Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say, "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment I'm trying to plug my headphones in, in the dark, and the next my dad's beating the shit out of me with a baseball bat. Turns out he snuck down after me for a midnight snack and thought I was a burglar disconnecting the TV. FML
Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML
Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML
Today, I decided to be adventurous and give my boyfriend head in the downstairs TV room. Just as he was about to come, I heard someone walking towards the door. I took my mouth off to get up and lock the door right as he came. I didn't make it to the door but my dad saw something he will never forget. FML
Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house. When things started heating up, I heard the front door open and my girlfriend said that it must be her Dad. She handed me my clothes, pushed me out the window, and told me to knock at the front door. Her Dad answered, holding my shoes. FML
Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend when my dad opened the door. I thought I hadn't been seen because the door was only open a tiny bit. I then looked into the mirror by the door to see my dad's reflection, staring at mine, horrified. I was on top. FML
Today, I was getting out of the shower and realized I’d forgotten to lock the bathroom lock. I heard someone coming towards the door and panicked. I hid behind the curtain and tried to stay completely still, but my dad walked in, saw me standing there like a statue, and just said, “Oh, erm, I’ll come back later.” FML
Today, I was watching a movie in the basement with my boyfriend when we started to get a little frisky. My mom walks down with dirty laundry and tells him to stop it because I'm creaming all over my undies. She showed him a pair of dirty ones to prove it. FML
Today, I came home a little earlier than usual, only to walk in on my dad frantically trying to remove a ballgag from my mom's mouth. FML
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Top comments
smile2312 16
oh goodness, what happened after???
carebear1228 20
another victim petrified by thier father's basilisk.
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Comments (117)
hudfoote 8
Who watches a movie early in the morning
snipesrock 9
more like terrified.
aboynamedgirl 6
Time to move out.
Mustardtiger811 12
must have been very awkward for both of you.
ThePotatoWaffle 4
I should hope that he was talking about your mother!
lizzlovespandas 12
oh my freaking god
Mikey1016 7
that happened to me once, except it was my sister thinking I was her boyfriend and by the time I turned the lights on she was already naked, but on the kitchen table.....where we eat....FML
ffs_seriously 2
You might consider the idea of engaging in sexual activities with the partner of your choice for a very long time a good thing. Enjoy the knowledge some endure a sex-life, not as a one-off occasion but a continuous attraction, leading to interaction. Even on the couch, or in the kitchen. By the time you stop wanking in your sock you might realize it's a thing to strive for, not recoil from in horror. But your sock might object.
actionboy116 5
"What in the literal **** are you doing? I am not complying with this shit. No, I can see The Avengers (or whatever movie you wanted to see) another time, but you're giving me your credit card so I can see a therapist, pervert" is what I would have said to him.
Mindashy 13
What I want to know is who he was expecting.