Today, I found out that when you gain too much weight, your penis can get significantly smaller. After noticing that things had been "off" in the bedroom, my girlfriend and I decided to measure it. There was significant shrinkage. I guess it's time to start working out. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realised that my husband and I have gotten so fat that his already small dick no longer even reaches me. FML
Today, I noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis. FML
Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML
Today, I discovered that when they remove your cancerous prostate, your penis will shrink by the exact length of the removed prostate back up into your body. So not only do I now need pills to get a boner, my boner has shrunk from a respectable 5 inches to just under 3. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that if I shaved, my penis might seem bigger. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I've recently become serious about getting fit, and have lost nearly 84 pounds. Apparently, when I was fat, I made her look smaller in comparison. When I got slimmer, she insisted I either gain the weight back or she'd leave. So she did. FML
Today, I've now lost two hundred pounds and learned that I actually do have a pretty decently-sized dick, it's just been buried under fat for most of my life. Too bad I'm 42 and nobody wants a damn thing to do with a 42 year-old virgin, unless you want to quote a stale Steve Carell movie and laugh at me. FML
Today, I discovered that if I work out, I can't get an erection, but if I don't work out, my penis functions fine. This wouldn't be such a problem if I wasn't a professional bodybuilder. FML
Today, I was getting out of the shower, when my boyfriend decided to ask, "Did your boobs get smaller, or did you just gain weight around them?" FML
Today, while getting ready for work, I realized that all my pants were getting a bit tight. When I got home from work, I went in to the bathroom and stood on the scale, which confirmed that I have gained a few pounds. I then realized that I was eating while standing on the scale. FML
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Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
It hasn't shrunk. It's being pulled back by the weight from around your stomach. Lose some weight, and you'll see it'll go back to normal.
JasonThorn 24
Excessive weight can also lead to lowered levels of testosterone. Wouldn't hurt to get that checked.
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Comments (20)
TheSminty1 17
I've heard of a shrinking violet but this is ridiculous
purplepixie23 16
Lay off the ‘roids before you also have you moobs come in.
Joe Brewer 3
I actually asked my doctor about this. apparently for roughly every 35-45 lbs you are overweight, you can lose up to an inch.