Today, a man in my town was arrested for hiding methamphetamine in a hollowed out walking cane and distributing it to the population of his retirement complex. That man was my 58 year-old father. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to go to the police station to pick up my 42 year-old dad. Why? He was caught stealing candy. FML
Today, I found out my dad stole money from me when he was arrested for buying Oxycodone from an undercover cop. FML
Today, my house was raided for drugs. I had to find out my father is a drug dealer. The cops then told me this wasn't their first time here, but it was the first time I was home to see it. They said it was nice to finally meet me. FML
Today, I caught my dad stealing my money again, after I'd warned him he was on his last chance. I threw him out, since he’s been sleeping rough on my sofa. He reported me to the authorities for "elder abuse" and showed them fresh bruises I know the conniving old bastard gave himself. I was handcuffed. FML
Today, my dad yelled at me for using legal marijuana to help treat my potentially terminal cancer, which is kind of hypocritical for the man who spent significant portions of my childhood in jail for selling cocaine to rich high school kids. FML
Today, I called my dad to wish him happy birthday. The phone was disconnected, so I called my sister to see what his cell phone number was. She then informed me that our dad was in jail for selling shrooms to teenagers at a music festival out of state. FML
Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML
Today, I found out that my father faked his whole "mid-life crisis", just so he could gain my trust and get me to admit that I smoke weed, and to tell him who I buy it from. Hello year-long grounding. FML
Today, I was supposed to go on a date with my attractive and seemingly charming neighbor. Yesterday, his house was raided and he was arrested for running a heroin ring. FML
Today, my dad caught me vaping. From the volume of his yelling, you’d think he caught me sniffing cocaine out of a prostitute's ass crack. FML
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Top comments
jennaleighhh 0
your dads retired at 58??
littlec_fml 0
haha where'd you think he got your allowance money from?
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Comments (91)
crazydoug 0
YEAH!!!! METH!!!!
anynonymous_fml 0
Sounds like something Dr. House would do
crazyme123 0
are you black?
morgannnnn 0
this isn't reawlly a fml. or even that funny. and #41 i work at a retirement home & most of them take ppl in starting at 55 so that's not unheard of to be living there at 58.
JmD16 0
i think your father is awsome
HappyDalePomGirl 0
your dad is a badass for sure
mfcmaddog 0
WTF 58 and in a Home, jesus im surprised he wasnt planning world domination and building NUKES.
lexxi_fml 0
what's up with #19?? and yeah, it's no unheard of to be in a home at 58 years old. but this is funny (: Not FML but funny.
cmillertime7 0
#18, nursing home and retirement complex are way different. Everyone saying this is cool or awesome is extremely naive and obviously has no personal experience with methamphetamine or has had any loved ones deal with meth. If you had you would understand the severity of it and realize this is much more sad than it is cool. Although if you're going to be a tweaker I'd say old age is the time to do it.
caretoshare 0
I feel bad for you. FYL . :|