Today, I met a really hot guy at a bar. We talked for a while and really seemed to hit it off. We ended up going to my apartment. He stopped and said, "Clean up this mess and maybe we could do something another time." I am a complete neat freak - my apartment had been robbed and trashed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML
Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML
Today, I felt comfortable enough to invite the guy I’ve been seeing over to my apartment for the first time. Things immediately got weird when he started to inspect my place top to bottom to make sure it was “clean to his standards”. I told him to leave when he started going in my closet. FML
Today, I saw an attractive man outside the club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up having sex in my apartment. The next day when I was dropping him off, I discovered he was homeless and was outside the club begging for money. My house is suddenly out of bread and cheese. FML
Today, I was really impressed with the man I've been in a relationship with for over two years. He had finally really cleaned his apartment. Everything was washed and fixed, even my stuff was cleared from open surfaces. All so his lover would not find out about me. FML
Today, I went home with the guy I’ve been casually seeing. His place was a disgusting pigsty so I made an excuse to leave. Later he texted me, ending things. Online I saw him bitching about how no one can pass his “girlfriend test” and that a real woman would happily clean for her man. FML
Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrived. As we were going at it, he shat on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML
Today, while walking down the street, a cute guy approached me. We ended up having some drinks then heading back to his place and hooked up. Afterwards, I used the bathroom, and when I came out, he was going through his wallet and asked me how much he owed me. FML
Today, I met a hot guy at the club. We danced and had a really good time, so I invited him home with me for the night. The next morning, I awoke to the sound of what I thought to be running water. I looked up to find him, naked, and pissing into my air conditioner unit. FML
Today, feeling attractive, I got dressed up and took myself to a trendy bar to enjoy some cocktails. A muscular, handsome man approached me and we began to flirt. He recommended that we get a hotel room, which we did. After we had the most amazing sex of my life, he started to tell me his price. He was an escort. FML
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Top comments
JohnFR33M4N 0
cockblocked by a robber. never heard that one before
24788 7
That really sucks, but he should have waited if you were robbed. Not a true guy imo, find someone better.
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Comments (105)
toolman 0
LoL #8 thats mean but funny
DizzyDemon0 9
hahaha. you got ur shit stolen and didn't get laid...good night ay?
SpliffyMcBlunt 0
Ok #10 here's some more of my sexist comments: What do you do when the dishwasher breaks? - you hit her Why haven't women been to the moon? - the moon doesn't need cleaning yet.. What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies? -I don't have a Ferrari in my garage..
divineinstrument 2
Lol the last one wasn't sexist but I've never heard the first one. It's absolutely hilarious! Here are a couple of other good sexist jokes: What should you do if your wife is not in the kitchen? - Tighten her chains Whose fault is it if you run over your wife? - Your fault for driving in the kitchen
a_homeless_guy 0
#8 and # 13, hahaha that sucks though, fyl
djwhaaat 0
Sounds like a fake story.
sLap_fml 0
wow, that really sucks, did you try telling him that you were robbed? i hope you didn't lose anything too valuable.
sLap_fml 0
and #3, guys might actually care. i am a girl and i have a messier room then my 16 year old pot head brother, some guys do care.
dominoeffect 0
Agree with #15
look_its_me 0
hahaha #8 & 13 although dead baby jokes arent sexist, just funny but @OP that really sucks this is probably one of the most fyl-ish stories ive ever heard
NorfolkDude 2
This sounds pretty fake. First off, I would assume that if your apartment has been robbed, that would be your FML. Second, I would also assume that you would say something like, "Oh no, I've been robbed."