Today, I was really impressed with the man I've been in a relationship with for over two years. He had finally really cleaned his apartment. Everything was washed and fixed, even my stuff was cleared from open surfaces. All so his lover would not find out about me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out why my boyfriend of over a year is so obsessed with cleaning his entire place before I come over. He's been hiding the ex-girlfriend who never moved out. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend by cleaning the entire apartment before he came home. I even lit a candle and put fresh flowers on the table. When he walked in, he stared at everything and said, “Did someone come over?” My boyfriend thought a cleaning service had been hired. FML
Today, I moved out a few weeks ago because I was sick of my husband not helping around the house, and told him he’d never manage without me. I checked today while he was at work. The house is the cleanest I’ve ever seen it; apparently he doesn’t need me and most of the mess was actually mine. FML
Today, I came back from a week-long vacation, to find my fiance had cleaned the house top to bottom, and finished three projects he was constantly putting off. I was over the moon, until he said, "Yeah, when you're not nagging me all day, I can actually get shit done. Crazy, huh?" FML
Today, I felt comfortable enough to invite the guy I’ve been seeing over to my apartment for the first time. Things immediately got weird when he started to inspect my place top to bottom to make sure it was “clean to his standards”. I told him to leave when he started going in my closet. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me if I'd help clean out his ex-girlfriend's closet. I found their wedding photos. FML
Today, I went on a date with a really cute guy. Things were going great, so we went to his place. While he was in the bathroom, I absentmindedly looked around his apartment. Unfortunately, his living room cupboard was half open, and I saw a shrine of pictures of me. Apparently, he's been stalking me for months. FML
Today, my boyfriend, who moved in about a month ago, decided he wanted to move back out. Why? Because I don't keep my place clean enough for him. This, coming from the same man who refuses to wash or clean anything because "that's what women are for." FML
Today, I went home with the guy I’ve been casually seeing. His place was a disgusting pigsty so I made an excuse to leave. Later he texted me, ending things. Online I saw him bitching about how no one can pass his “girlfriend test” and that a real woman would happily clean for her man. FML
Today, I went on what I thought was a date. After a wonderful night with a perfect gentleman, he told me how excited he is that he's moving in with his girlfriend next week, and thanked me for reassuring him that he doesn't want anyone but her. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
You should definitely help him clean his apartment... ...by selling all of his shit before you leave.
zkcupcake 4
Trash it :)
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Comments (98)
zkcupcake 4
Trash it :)
ClassyCommando 13
I don't really understand why people are saying to trash the apartment or sell all his stuff. OP would be completely screwed over in court for doing something like that.
HowAreYouToday 34
OP should just accept her loses and when the lover comes over, jump out from her hiding spot and walk over tithe lover and say "that makes 14." and walk out.
HowAreYouToday 34
**the Not tithe
koooonal 3
Kill him
annie_nk 23
No she should hide little embarrassing things around the house like stool softener pills, hemorrhoid cream, gay **** mag and astro glide on the bedside table, etc.
koooonal 3
And then kill him
ThePsyche 9
1- trash the boyfriend.
sens3sfailing 25
Okay, so the first time you say kill him people thumb it down, and this makes you think it would be funny to say it again? *facepalm* what is the world coming to?
gmc_blossom 21
74- It was funnier the second time, though.
Kiki242 19
My god why is he even with you if he's not gonna be faithful?
mrsmathers17531 5
Sadly there's a lot of people like this.
myztwenty8 4
player player don't hate
RedPillSucks 33
I'm guessing he's being unfaithful with OP
wellfuuucckme 7
The sex ......
outsidehitter7 9
The question that women (and some men) have been asking for generations... =
DocBastard 40
You should definitely help him clean his apartment... ...by selling all of his shit before you leave.
gntfmlingnow 12
I'm sorry doc, but I've gotta disagree with this one. Getting yourself into a possible lawsuit for selling stuff that belongs to your boyfriend (if they were married, it'd be different but still not much) just doesn't seem worth it. Though definitely kick his ass to the curb.
gntfmlingnow 12
Right. I forgot the #1 rule of FML: Disagree with Doc, get downvoted to hell.
skyeyez9 25
Do something back for revenge, but you have to never speak of it or admit it if confronted. Then you have a good chance of getting away with it.
DocBastard 40
Gntfmlimgnow - No, the #1 rule is "Don't overthink a joke". :)
a_lenzmeier 11
Selling would lead to monetary gain, but it's not as much fun as torching it and leaving a huge heaping mess in the center of the room.
gntfmlingnow 12
"It's not about the stuff, it's about sending a message"
gmc_blossom 21
30- One does not simply thumb down Doc's comments.
Evilpirate 10
Just because someone did something bad to you doesn't mean you have to get revenge on it. :)
Oliver_Bento 3
Luckily you didn't get down voted
Oliver_Bento 3
^that was for 30
celiiceegee 6
You are obviously new to this world.
sux4u121 10
Well normally I would say talk it over, but it is clear that it won't work out considering he puts in way more effort for another girl. Sorry OP,
xGolfWangx 5
Take a shit in the middle of the room -_-
herpderpherpderp 13
write "the other girl was here" in sharpie on the wall.
therealafroninga 10
If you're taking a shit anywhere, do it on a plate, then put that plate in the microwave, high power for 60 minutes.
Maraudera 6
Sounds like you've had the lovely experience of doing this
HeyArnold91 8
For some reason my first thought was "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!". Man that was a good show for situations like these.
MinecraftGeek 8
Oh my...Well, just move on and don't look back, its obvious what could happen if you drag this out.
OneGirlsLife 20
I just really can't stand people who cheat!!! He's not worth your time. You can find someone way better that won't cheat!
ICastillo 25
Do it like that song lover lover from jerrod niemon let people in and take shit
skippymagee 5
Cheater cheater pumpkin eater leave him leave him now.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
That last part doesn't even rhyme :(
greenie213 23
Cheater cheater pumpkin eater, leave him now and become his beater. There! All better!
gc327072 31
13- good job there green bean.
greenie213 23
GOD DAMMIT!
gc327072 31
Life lesson: don't ever talk about phrases/names that bother you over the Internet. You're screwed now, "green bean"! MUAHAHAHA!