Today, I met a really hot guy at a bar. We talked for a while and really seemed to hit it off. We ended up going to my apartment. He stopped and said, "Clean up this mess and maybe we could do something another time." I am a complete neat freak - my apartment had been robbed and trashed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML
Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML
Today, I felt comfortable enough to invite the guy I’ve been seeing over to my apartment for the first time. Things immediately got weird when he started to inspect my place top to bottom to make sure it was “clean to his standards”. I told him to leave when he started going in my closet. FML
Today, I saw an attractive man outside the club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up having sex in my apartment. The next day when I was dropping him off, I discovered he was homeless and was outside the club begging for money. My house is suddenly out of bread and cheese. FML
Today, I was really impressed with the man I've been in a relationship with for over two years. He had finally really cleaned his apartment. Everything was washed and fixed, even my stuff was cleared from open surfaces. All so his lover would not find out about me. FML
Today, I went home with the guy I’ve been casually seeing. His place was a disgusting pigsty so I made an excuse to leave. Later he texted me, ending things. Online I saw him bitching about how no one can pass his “girlfriend test” and that a real woman would happily clean for her man. FML
Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrived. As we were going at it, he shat on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML
Today, while walking down the street, a cute guy approached me. We ended up having some drinks then heading back to his place and hooked up. Afterwards, I used the bathroom, and when I came out, he was going through his wallet and asked me how much he owed me. FML
Today, I met a hot guy at the club. We danced and had a really good time, so I invited him home with me for the night. The next morning, I awoke to the sound of what I thought to be running water. I looked up to find him, naked, and pissing into my air conditioner unit. FML
Today, feeling attractive, I got dressed up and took myself to a trendy bar to enjoy some cocktails. A muscular, handsome man approached me and we began to flirt. He recommended that we get a hotel room, which we did. After we had the most amazing sex of my life, he started to tell me his price. He was an escort. FML
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Top comments
JohnFR33M4N 0
cockblocked by a robber. never heard that one before
24788 7
That really sucks, but he should have waited if you were robbed. Not a true guy imo, find someone better.
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Comments (105)
lunchmeat317 0
I feel bad for you not because of the sex thing, but because of the apartment being trashed. That sucks, dude. I'd be pissed. Grossness isn't a gender-specific factor. Some people are just really ******* nasty and will defend it to the death. I have no idea why people can't just clean their shit up.
HOFF69 0
i think you're probably just a slob. lmao there's already a lot of FML's like this.
piscesvirgo789 0
Are you a virgo?
nomo_fml 0
Wow that sucks. The guy is probably a tool anyway. So are the commentors that say YDI.
Anonymous485 1
I wouldn't sleep with that prick anyway. He sounds like a self-pretentious asshole
fmah_life 0
What kind of guy cares about how clean or messy an apartment is?
DietBroccoli 0
YDI For attempted one night stand!
wrigh4jl 0
To all the sexist comments... Why do women need men? Cause a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
heyitzmeh 0
wtf was he gay?? ef the mess i'd still do it haha.
damnedlife 0
That freakin' sucks but still incredibly funny. Thanks for the laugh. :)