Today, I was wrapping presents for my daughter, trying to be really quiet. Behind me, the cat decided to climb the tree, which then fell on top of me and I couldn't move. My daughter had to help me up. She now knows everything she's getting for Christmas this year. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, to try to have a less depressing Christmas, I've put up a small tree in my apartment and wrapped some presents for myself. I woke from a nap to the sound of my cat vomiting. What did she throw up on? The presents. FML
Today, my family and I were decorating the Christmas tree. It seemed a bit unstable, but we decorated it without any problems. Later, while my daughter sat by the tree, it began to fall. Her grandmother stopped the tree from hitting her. I, on the other hand, screamed like a little girl. I'm a 38 year-old guy. FML
Today, my kid jumped from the couch into our Christmas tree. As she literally slid down the entire tree, it was like it was happening in slow motion. I was laughing so hard, I peed myself, so I had to clean up decorations and my own piss. FML
Today, we spent hours decorating the Christmas tree, perfectly balancing the lights, ornaments, and tinsel. Ten minutes later, the cat thought it was a right time to reenact Die Hard and climbed up the tree, knocking it over. Now my ornaments are shattered, and my cat is smugly sitting in the wreckage. FML
Today, my husband rescued our daughter's cat from a tree. She spent the next hour clapping and telling me how much of a hero he was. Last night at 2 a.m., I was awoken by meowing and had to rescue the same cat from the same tree, in the dark, and halfway down he shit on me. No one called me a hero. FML
Today, my cat had the greatest idea ever: hide inside our Christmas tree and attack anyone who walks past. It would have come as extremely funny to me if I hadn't been her first victim. FML
Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunderstorm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML
Today, I spent 15 minutes trying to get my cat out of our seven-foot Christmas tree. Once he was done, he tore about the house and broke the nativity scene, beheading baby Jesus and a wise man in the process. The tree is fucked. FML
Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML
Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML
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Top comments
RevengeIsSweet 11
This close to the actual holiday, I don't think it matters much.
xlord 27
Wow. I find it amazing how you would know that this exact same thing would happen if you owned a cat.
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Comments (66)
DinosaurTacoTime 18
Well, heavy tree? Maybe too much decorating? How can the daughter do anything you can't?
markuskind 7
MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE IT IN YOUR BEDROOM
love_me_electric 20
Maybe you should learn where the caps lock key is...
Kristoffer 35
fyl for the tree thing at least, the presents should be the least of your concern as long as you're safe.
perdix 31
Even worse, the CAT knows what it's getting for Christmas, too! They still think presents come from Santa Claws.
september1395 7
I'm pretty sure you're getting life alert for Christmas...
Lioness8197 18
The wording of this makes it sound like the tree fell on OP not the cat.
Lioness8197 18
Oh okay. Thanks:)
mrphychrs 5
if the tree was light enough to fall when a cat climbed it... how in the world would you need help getting it off you, it was probably 20 pounds at most
Mookiisfabulous 15
Aww it's okay, it's just early now... Maybe get two more present ( nothing expensive) just to watch her open... It's better than doing nothing on Christmas or play games... My mom use to warp gifts in the den and make everyone hide in their bedrooms until she was done
BronayPonay 6
OH the CHRISTMAS TREE! Glad I read the comments, this FML had me thinking you were wrapping presents in the back yard and your dinosaur of a cat managed to knock a tree over somehow.
hannnahmarie 14
Least it's close to the holidays, and I'm sure she wouldn't mind seeing then early
coolhandluke60 6
If I had a twitter I'd follow u:) buttttt I don't. -__- haha but your really pretty;)