Today, my mom talked about how it's interesting how there's so many different size of penises. She also told me that since she's doing hormone therapy she's able to orgasm a LOT more. We were stuck in stop and go traffic for three hours. When I turned on the radio, she turned it off and talked more. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML
Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, I went out of town with my mother-in-law. I don't know what possessed her to start questioning me about her son's and my sex life. When I told her I wasn't talking about that, she began to discuss her and my father-in-law's bedroom habits. The car ride was two hours. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
Today, I had to sit for an hour listening to my girlfriend talk to her ex about his testicles. She laughed more during that conversation than she ever has with me. FML
Today, I had to spend two hours in the car with my mother. That doesn't sound so bad until you realize she's the kind of person who can, and did, spend nearly half an hour ranting about how the Big Beautiful Woman porn niche is the root of obesity in America. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
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Top comments
MrJentipede 2
Thanks for the heads up, mom.
mucrew 0
you should have said "yea i agree"! and gotten into a deep discussion with her...so she'll feel really awkward too! haha
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Comments (177)
Dragonmouth 4
Hormone therapy? I gotta write that down.
unkinged44 0
try to out weird her
EffMyLyf 0
wtf is wrong with your mom? FYL
genius_man16 1
Man this is bad. This is a definite FML. Like, i don't have a problem with a passing comment about random sex shit from parents, but when she goes on and on, and MAKES you listen to her ramble about shit that you DON'T want to hear about, that's just wrong. Your mom is a crazy bitch. FYL indeed
trooper14 0
yeah your life sucks...so your mom single? whats she look like? where you from? lol
crazieeli 0
disturbing .. haha
heatherewf 0
*shudder* That's disgusting. It's one thing to be open, honest and friendly with your kids. It's another to discuss your orgasms at length with them. As a mother myself, I find this really sick. FYL indeed.
martialartist7 0
are you a dude? i most certainly hope not. agree, your life is ******.
henrygondorff 2
My wife and I love freaking out our college-age kids by talking about sex. Your mother will probably tell your father about it and they will giggle - that is what we do. YDI for thinking that older people are all that much different from you. (Well, I guess we are - we were in college before AIDS and had more weird sex than you will ever dream of.) If you are going to try to freak them out as some suggest, better bring out the threesome with the puppy because anal and gay just isn't going to do it.
cd5love96 0
your mom must **** a lot. how would she know about all different size penises unless shes a **** addict