Today, my mom talked about how it's interesting how there's so many different size of penises. She also told me that since she's doing hormone therapy she's able to orgasm a LOT more. We were stuck in stop and go traffic for three hours. When I turned on the radio, she turned it off and talked more. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML
Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, I went out of town with my mother-in-law. I don't know what possessed her to start questioning me about her son's and my sex life. When I told her I wasn't talking about that, she began to discuss her and my father-in-law's bedroom habits. The car ride was two hours. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
Today, I had to sit for an hour listening to my girlfriend talk to her ex about his testicles. She laughed more during that conversation than she ever has with me. FML
Today, I had to spend two hours in the car with my mother. That doesn't sound so bad until you realize she's the kind of person who can, and did, spend nearly half an hour ranting about how the Big Beautiful Woman porn niche is the root of obesity in America. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
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Top comments
MrJentipede 2
Thanks for the heads up, mom.
mucrew 0
you should have said "yea i agree"! and gotten into a deep discussion with her...so she'll feel really awkward too! haha
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Comments (177)
illeyad 0
I have to be honest if my mom told me that stuff, I'd be 1. uncofortable because it is my mother! 2. Annoyed because she has a better sex life than me *pouts*
dizzy_dizzy 0
That's awful, why would she tell you all those things? Why would she think you would like to know such stuff? Well, FYL.
Rawrrr14 0
Parents like to have sex talks in the car because they figure you have no where to go (basically your trapped). Happened to me many times, start carrying your ipod with you :-]
kapay 0
Dude, I gotta get my g/f up on that hormone tip.
Ryno 0
Can I get your mom's number?
sceneteasex3 0
That's effing sick. TeeHee... "Oh, hi son. Did you know that there are over 1,000 sizes of penies? Also, I can ****** way more. Why are you turning on the radio? Okay, so as I was saying-there are so many penises in the world, it's just so lovely. When are we getting home? PENIS!"
Weil 0
You should have told her to STFU.
jeanniner 0
I'm so glad my mom has never talked about sex with me. *knock on wood*
FrostyNorth 0
Hormone replacement therapy increases the risk of breast cancer by 24% and ovarian cancer by 58% after 5 years. Perhaps you should consider this next time you wish she'd stop talking.
sceneteasex3 0
47- Then she'd talk about something else. Fear mothers. Fear themmmmm! D: