Today, my mom talked about how it's interesting how there's so many different size of penises. She also told me that since she's doing hormone therapy she's able to orgasm a LOT more. We were stuck in stop and go traffic for three hours. When I turned on the radio, she turned it off and talked more. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML
Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, I went out of town with my mother-in-law. I don't know what possessed her to start questioning me about her son's and my sex life. When I told her I wasn't talking about that, she began to discuss her and my father-in-law's bedroom habits. The car ride was two hours. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
Today, I had to sit for an hour listening to my girlfriend talk to her ex about his testicles. She laughed more during that conversation than she ever has with me. FML
Today, I had to spend two hours in the car with my mother. That doesn't sound so bad until you realize she's the kind of person who can, and did, spend nearly half an hour ranting about how the Big Beautiful Woman porn niche is the root of obesity in America. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
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Top comments
MrJentipede 2
Thanks for the heads up, mom.
mucrew 0
you should have said "yea i agree"! and gotten into a deep discussion with her...so she'll feel really awkward too! haha
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Comments (177)
Roxas_fml 0
It's cool that your mom is open enough to talk to you about this kind of stuff. If you were really uncomfortable with what she was talking about, I hope you told her nicely that you just didn't want to hear about it and put the radio back on / talked about something else.
vela9002 4
#3 wtf?? seriously
Verbex 0
LOL I'm totally gonna do that to younger people when I grow up. Although I'll probably still be a virgin -_- V POWER >_
AnotherStranger2 0
*deep breath* EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. Look, we all know our mothers have sex- we just don't want to HEAR about it! X_X FYL, dude. For srs.
Everlost 0
I would get out and run
kfnnnp 0
Oh shit. That's horrible. I'm gonna have nightmares about that now :S You should have turned the radio back on every time she turns it off until she gets the message.
mipieislove 0
oh man, i feel sorry for you. FYL for sure.
lazorzpewpew 0
Psychotic much? FYL.
AlienMind 0
Sounds like your mum needs a friend that she can talk to. Or perhaps she is just bat-shit crazy.
Kosmic1989 0
is she available?