Today, my mom talked about how it's interesting how there's so many different size of penises. She also told me that since she's doing hormone therapy she's able to orgasm a LOT more. We were stuck in stop and go traffic for three hours. When I turned on the radio, she turned it off and talked more. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML
Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, I went out of town with my mother-in-law. I don't know what possessed her to start questioning me about her son's and my sex life. When I told her I wasn't talking about that, she began to discuss her and my father-in-law's bedroom habits. The car ride was two hours. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
Today, I had to sit for an hour listening to my girlfriend talk to her ex about his testicles. She laughed more during that conversation than she ever has with me. FML
Today, I had to spend two hours in the car with my mother. That doesn't sound so bad until you realize she's the kind of person who can, and did, spend nearly half an hour ranting about how the Big Beautiful Woman porn niche is the root of obesity in America. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
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Top comments
MrJentipede 2
Thanks for the heads up, mom.
mucrew 0
you should have said "yea i agree"! and gotten into a deep discussion with her...so she'll feel really awkward too! haha
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Comments (177)
MissMaryContrary 3
Fun fact about penises: no matter how long or short they are when relaxed, the average erected penis is 4 to 6 inches long because that is also the average length of the vaginal tube leading up to the uterus. 4-6 inches, evolutionarily speaking is the perfect length to fertilize an egg. Contrary to popular belief, a man whose penis is much LONGER than 6 inches when erect has a severe physical problem and needs to seek help from a doctor. It does NOT make sex more pleasurable and, in fact, makes it excruciatingly painful for the man and even more so for the woman. Also, while for the man the most prevalent sexual organ for pleasure is the penis, for the woman her most prevalent sexual organ is NOT, in fact, the ******** or the ******. It's the brain. If you want to give a woman the best ****** of her life, you have to figure out how to sexually stimulate her mentally.
secretvampire13 0
omg u must b scarred for life!! fyl
neilsc 8
It takes skills to be able to ****** lots. I trained myself to. Every girl knows how to ****** lots and squirt they just need to learn how!
flockz 20
eww
e_stone_85 3
At least it was your mum not your dad.
tramos15 2
That means your mom has seen a lot of dick :/ lol
TheJavlin96 0
I feel sorry for you and I'm glad my mom isn't like that
mowmowlife 21
I'm wanting to die over here from just reading about that. My condolences OP.