Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML
Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML
Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML
Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste." Gag me. FML
Today, my grandmother saw me for the first time in years. "Not all your clothes have to be as tight as condoms, you tramp," is probably the nicest greeting she's ever given me. FML
Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML
Today, at my cousin's birthday party, my grandma took me to one side, slipped me a pad, and started ranting that tampons "steal your virginity" and that I should never use them. Well, okay then. FML
Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a long speech detailing how she was worried about my well-being, and told me that I could tell her anything. I tried to open up to her about my mental health issues, to which she responded, "Stop, I don't care, I'm not your therapist." I'm so confused. FML
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Top comments
arienh4 0
#5 Because it's free.
KwitIt 0
Well... at least you were honest! I hope this doesn't deter you from honesty in the future! And #1, it's not like the OP could have just said, "Nope. Not talking about this with you!" That would be incredibly disrespectful, and it sounds like the grandma brought it up first.
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Comments (119)
4581 0
do you think she only said those things to scar you from having sex? lol
Underscoredot 0
Nice.
blairf83 0
LOL..... Gotta love it when grandparents go off the deep end. Example: My gram is not as prudish as some grams are... but she's definitely the "proper" sort.... The first thanksgiving i ever brought a date to a family holiday function.... we sat down, said grace, started passing the food around. Everybody was kind of digging in and not talking much... so my gram decides to start a conversation.... So she picked a topic: The best sex scene she ever saw in a movie. And hers was from some chinese movie... and it involved CHILDREN!
ppppnuts 0
grandmas a freaaaaakk
RandomBlonde 0
#75 I feel sorry for you. That must've been a bit humiliating!!! Atleast my grandmother doesnt love me. She loves my sister, so whatever i do is gone unnoticed....
eternalaphrodite 0
If you answered what you like to do sexually, then YDI.
NothinToSay 0
Why the Hell are you telling her???
queenkiwinc 0
This wrong in so many ways. My grand parents are dead but I can't even talk about sex with my mother. My mother is a tough NC bible thumping woman that would kill me if she knew what a tramp I am. She used to beat me so much when I was a kid that I am scared of here.
irishkickbutt3 0
thats hilarious
FMLftl 0
My friend, I consider that a GRANDMA-WIN! ROFL priceless.