Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML
Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML
Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML
Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste." Gag me. FML
Today, my grandmother saw me for the first time in years. "Not all your clothes have to be as tight as condoms, you tramp," is probably the nicest greeting she's ever given me. FML
Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML
Today, at my cousin's birthday party, my grandma took me to one side, slipped me a pad, and started ranting that tampons "steal your virginity" and that I should never use them. Well, okay then. FML
Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a long speech detailing how she was worried about my well-being, and told me that I could tell her anything. I tried to open up to her about my mental health issues, to which she responded, "Stop, I don't care, I'm not your therapist." I'm so confused. FML
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Top comments
arienh4 0
#5 Because it's free.
KwitIt 0
Well... at least you were honest! I hope this doesn't deter you from honesty in the future! And #1, it's not like the OP could have just said, "Nope. Not talking about this with you!" That would be incredibly disrespectful, and it sounds like the grandma brought it up first.
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Comments (119)
hk_fml 9
Ewwwww... that's too much, I'd just stare blankly at my grandma :|
knitbitch 0
Good god that is disgusting!
TidusBlade 0
I wouldn't mind if it was someone else, but discussing sex with someone that old just gives me the creeps...
SpunkT 0
#6, haha awesome. I guess I should have worded that differently.
Get_Naykid 0
Shoulda told her when the guy surprise-grabs your penis when you're not looking.
ZiggyMorrison 0
Hey thats the voice of experience talking you should have taken notes you mighta learned something
will90 5
your grandma is awesome. gilf perhaps?
losergirl 0
haha i agree with you #16 XD
Rodjmeister 0
that's a lot better than her never speaking to you again.
kristenlee 3
The real FML would be if she claimed to be into incest.