Today, I flew to see the guy that I've been in love with for three years. We spent the day at Walmart. To buy a plunger. After I blocked up the toilet. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked into the ladies restroom and was shocked to see the guy I've had a huge crush on for two years. Peeing. In the sink. FML
Today, I went to the store to get Valentine's Day gifts to decorate my boyfriend's and my new apartment. He was there shopping with his wife. FML
Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me over, all just to unclog his toilet. It was clogged because he put my phone in it while he was taking a dump to see if it would actually flush. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight about a clogged toilet. He was yelling about not having enough money to buy a better plunger and so I stormed out to buy one myself. While pulling his truck into traffic, a car hit me causing $1000 in damage. FML
Today, I got to spend the entire day shopping for lingerie with the man of my dreams. He bought everything I'd ever wanted and more! Too bad it was for another woman. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 3 years drunkenly proposed to me, while sitting on the crapper, with the door open. FML
Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend came to visit. We went to a cafe where I managed to lock myself in the toilet, breaking the key. I then had to wait for them to break down the door. I came out to applause from everyone, who had been laughing at me for 25 minutes. FML
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Top comments
jamila123 5
eww. Rule number one, never take a shit in a guys house your just starting to date.
allmidnighteyes 11
I thought rule number one was to always have Plan B pills and a coat hanger ready... Or have I been going about life the wrong way?
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Comments (88)
DynamicDave 11
How did it take all day to buy a plunger?
perdix 31
That was my question. Maybe they got hopelessly lost in Wal-Mart like in a redneck version of "The Blair Witch Project." Or they were stunned and confused by the vast array of plungers and "plunging systems that are out-of-the-box 24/7 turnkey solutions to 21st century plunging challenges" that Wal-Mart offers in their Fecal Matter Department (which also sells fertilizer, alibis and biscuits that'll give you a shit-eating grin.) Finally, and I think the most likely, is that they were being stalked by the paparazzi from peopleofwalmart.com who recognized this couple of morons as subjects of highly lucrative prize photos.
xdncnlaraynx 0
Yeeeaah. Somehow I am doubting that one
nirenna 6
exactly what I was going to say
jchansfan 0
Guess that relationship took the PLUNGE. lol But seriously, hope it all works out =(
wellinever 5
So? He knows you're a human being. If he's worth a damn he can get over it. You have shared a special, intimate moment which may be the source of private "in-jokes" between you for years to come. If he can't deal with it forget him. He never was worth it after all.
Peroxide 3
Exactly how is clogging his toilet with shit an "intimate moment". I suppose if she called him in to show him she took and elephant sized dump and they started making out....just mabey
wellinever 5
Well it's hardly a public moment (at least it wasn't until it got posted on FML) and he knows about it since they went to get a plunger together. So it will be a part of their shared history and something I expect they will want to keep private. If they stay together it can well be something they will be able to laugh about with each other. So yes, I'd say that was an intimate moment.
jchansfan 0
It disturbs me you think the moment was "special".
wellinever 5
Really? You think it was ordinary?
jchansfan 0
True, but the way you say it, "special, intimate" makes it sound like you think its romantic. You can't deny that that combination is usually reserved for romance, no?
girlygirl666 0
I agree. I wouldn't exactly want to always treasure that shitty moment together. Imagine trying to put that into your wedding vows. Ewww.
wellinever 5
I never said romantic. But a relationship is built on sharing expereinces through life, and this is one that would definitely be memorable. How they choose to deal with it is between them, but surely it is better to laugh about it in private than bury it as a hideous shameful secret, or be so disgusted that they can't bear to see each other again. The OP is clearly emabarrassed about it, so I'm saying they should make light of it. Make it a joke between them and get over it. If he farted when she is around, would she be so shocked that she'd leave him? I doubt it.
epicwinmaster 0
wellinever: you think buying a plunger to unclog the toilet is intimate? what do you have a poop fetish? either way, gtfo the internet
wellinever 5
Such hostility. All I'm saying is it was a natural event and that she should make light of it. Other people have posted much worse comments.
Mr_Eated 0
It took all day at Walmart to find a plunger? One clogged toilet ruined the whole trip? That's bizarre. 1st, you flew to see a guy who doesn't own a plunger - no forethought when he moved in: Plunger is an essential, like furniture, towels and toilet paper. 2nd, lots of places sell plungers. WalMart or not, it should have taken you all of 10 minutes to find a plunger and leave. Either you're exagerating quite a bit, or you're both too stupid to be in a relationship together. If it's the former, great, you embellished nicely. If it's the latter, break up now before you reproduce.
katgurl 13
HAHA ! That's what I was wondering ! How does a guy NOT have a plunger ? Shoot..
FarSide 23
Random thoughts... 1) It is not a matter of how long you spent at Walmart looking for a plunger... it is that you spent the day TOGETHER looking for a plunger at Walmart. 2) I travel alot and have stopped up hotel toilets the world over. Best unclogger? Wire coat hanger. bend it to elongate it, plunge into hole, turn it a few times, and away goes trouble down the drain... 98% of time. The other 2% of the time, just let the cleaning lady handle it. P.S.: don't hang the coat hanger back in the closet... 3) Next time resist anal sex unless you first clean the colon. Packing the fudge can result in intestinal nerve sensations that make you want to really go... 4) Now he knows you take dumps. You destroyed his perceptions of you. You are now just average to him.
ultraslick 0
THis screams of Internet meet. Couldn't we just save time and say "Today I chatted with someone online and i think I like them. FML"
juicy_extasy 25
If I ever do something THAT embarassing it's usually at home (we're all humans) . And why use a pulnger? Just wash it down with a bucket of water and save yourself the public embarssment.