Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML
Today, I was in my bed masturbating when I felt something on my chest. I looked down to see a spider running around. I'm super scared of spiders. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML
Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML
Today, while I was working from home on my laptop and had my feet up on the coffee table, I felt something on my foot. I looked down to see a spider the size of a quarter on top of my bare foot. It started doing something so I froze, hoping it wouldn't bite me. Instead, it anchored the start of its web to my skin. FML
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Top comments
btopishere 1
That's how Peter Parker was created.
Crudez0rz 0
Who the **** masturbates into a sock?!?! hahaha
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Comments (286)
lolurfuched 0
i know i hate spiders but i still feel bad for it. if its a guy it will always feel small now, same if its a girl XD
pologirl 0
So when they make the porno version of Spiderman is this how it will start?
Mutalisk 0
y do ppl ********** into a sock? i never got that. u lost ur virginity to a spider....
xoxoExoxo 0
ouchhh- think much??!!
damnthatsuck 0
lol that sucks..... hilarious though
inktree 0
There's a spider on your head, on your head...
meanbeech 0
...ya know... if you can learn the fine art of pounding vag... you will never need a sock.. or spider again.. learn to please the ladies, the "sex" feels better and if done right you wont even have to do all that much work, depends on the gal. I think ************ is a tool for the incompitent. find a chick to **** you wont need socks of tissues or napkins.. you will have a condom quick disposable clean up or if your daring you can blow your load in her.. shell have the cleanin to do then. just something to think about. i swear if some men spent less time masterbating theyd spend more time getting laid. sex is like the lottery kid you gotta be in it to win it.. if your on the sidelines thats where youll stay haha go get ****** and leave the spiders be champ
jbel08 0
hahaha @98.. pounding vag..
VexVisnu 0
At least next time you play "never have i ever" with your drinking buddies they'll get a big laugh when you're the only one taking a drink after saying "never have I ever ****** a spider"
draccon136 0
for the future, kleenex > sock. (double-wrap if needed)