Today, I got back to work at my hospital after some sick leave. The first jackass to waste my time was a guy with leg lacerations. This, he claimed, was because he tried to break a samurai sword over his leg as part of a bet. It's day one and already I want to kill myself. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I fell and impaled my leg on a steel rod at work. The first guy to respond to my agonised cry for help must’ve been a total moron because he thought it was a prank and yanked on the rod to see how it worked. Then he asked if I did it on purpose to get a day off. FML
Today, some guy tried to rob me and I accidentally made him stab himself with his own knife. Now he gets a comfy ride to hospital, while I get to sit across from this grumpy desk sergeant, waiting for a lawyer to explain that I'm actually the victim in this scenario. FML
Today, my manager bailed on me during the afternoon rush; swamped and distracted, I cut off the pad of my thumb in a cheese slicer. Some clinic hours later I returned, hungry and sick with blood loss, to sign WC papers. Manager's only words: "You're staying late to cover your long break, right?" FML
Today, I was finally able to get around to a totally free day when I could do some much needed DIY around the house. Before I even started, I cut my hand on a Stanley knife almost to the bone, and had to get 8 stitches. My wife thinks I did it on purpose to get out of doing the repairs. FML
Today, I cut my leg deeply at the beginning of my work shift. I wrapped it up with packing tape and a thankfully sterile paper towel, and had to work 6 more hours before I could leave. I made 110 dollars at work, only to spend 120 on stitches. FML
Today, I cut my hand on nothing while at work. It bled so much, I began to feel woozy, and everyone kept brushing me off when I asked where the first aid kits were. FML
Today, I cut my finger deep on an envelope at work and started bleeding profusely. When I asked my co-worker for a band-aid, she told me to get back to work and stop making up excuses to try and hit on her. FML
Today, I saw the guy I bullied during elementary school and tried to apologize to him. Instead, he took out a knife and stabbed me. I'm currently in the ER. FML
Today, the jackoffs at my new job kept making jokes about my prosthetic leg. When I finally lost my shit and told one of them to back off, he said "Woah there, Mr Pistorius!" then said he'll avoid using the restroom now in case I decide to shoot him through the door. FML
Today, a patient, who is normally pretty chill, was being quite difficult for my workmates. They were whinging about him and I defended him, he's normally a sweet guy so something must be upsetting him. I went to chat with him, he punched me and called a useless a**hole. FML
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Top comments
your_face 15
You may be in the wrong profession.
Porschephile 0
All part of the business. Just be glad that you're far smarter than he is.
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Comments (179)
yeongji 31
No matter where you work, you have to deal with (stupid) people who make stupid decisions. Either you do your job or quit. No point of whining when you are far better off than many others who do not even have a job.
Shrike 24
They aren't put off indefinitely, genius, eventually they go in and hold someone else up. And the rest is implied. Hell, the gender's stated under the FML. Point is the patient's an asshole and the doc has every right to bitch about it on a site meant for bitching about annoyances.
isis_morrigan 18
36-exactly! No one understands it's dumbasses like this samurai sword guy that causes ER waits to be so long, and when it's you or your loved one laying on a stretcher in the hallway because they can't get you in a room yet because of retards like this, then you might understand the frustration of having to waste your time on an idiot when you could be using your time to help someone who isn't there as a result of their blatant stupidity.
nvo 6
Um ... you're there to treat people for their injuries. Not judge them. The rest will sort itself out, naturally. I see a Darwin Award in the leg slasher's future...
Ray_of_midnight 23
Wait till you treat all the guys who got hurt "Standing On the Corner, Minding my Own Business", a/k/a "SOCMOB". And the two most dangerous guys in the world are "This one dude" and his friend, "this other dude." Google "Things I learn from my patients", then go read. The ROFLCOPTER will be there shortly.
Foxy_On_Fire 21
Your name must be House!
LDBrann93 0
At least he didn't think he had an erection hard enough to break a samurai sword over. Might have made you need to kill yourself.
SoultheWolf 19
I'm guessing you are a nurse practioner based on the type of person you're dealing with. This is NOT the attitude to have working in a hospital. People are morons, you like in the US making the moron count even higher then usual. You said it was a part fo a bet, meaning there is an extremely high chance that he was either drunk or stoned when he did this, meaning that even if he did have some common sense before it was completely gone at that moment. Instead of being a jerk do your work with a possitive attitude. I ahve no idea if he was being rude or not to you, but the fact you said, "first jackass to waste my time" sugguests that you treat all the patients this way. Either learn to be more possitive and nicer towards people or find yourself a job where you wont be seeing so many accidents with stupid people.
angelinaanimerg 7
Ugh I think you have the wrong profession
KK3137 31
Where is DocBastard when you need him???