Today, I got back to work at my hospital after some sick leave. The first jackass to waste my time was a guy with leg lacerations. This, he claimed, was because he tried to break a samurai sword over his leg as part of a bet. It's day one and already I want to kill myself. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I fell and impaled my leg on a steel rod at work. The first guy to respond to my agonised cry for help must’ve been a total moron because he thought it was a prank and yanked on the rod to see how it worked. Then he asked if I did it on purpose to get a day off. FML
Today, some guy tried to rob me and I accidentally made him stab himself with his own knife. Now he gets a comfy ride to hospital, while I get to sit across from this grumpy desk sergeant, waiting for a lawyer to explain that I'm actually the victim in this scenario. FML
Today, my manager bailed on me during the afternoon rush; swamped and distracted, I cut off the pad of my thumb in a cheese slicer. Some clinic hours later I returned, hungry and sick with blood loss, to sign WC papers. Manager's only words: "You're staying late to cover your long break, right?" FML
Today, I was finally able to get around to a totally free day when I could do some much needed DIY around the house. Before I even started, I cut my hand on a Stanley knife almost to the bone, and had to get 8 stitches. My wife thinks I did it on purpose to get out of doing the repairs. FML
Today, I cut my leg deeply at the beginning of my work shift. I wrapped it up with packing tape and a thankfully sterile paper towel, and had to work 6 more hours before I could leave. I made 110 dollars at work, only to spend 120 on stitches. FML
Today, I cut my hand on nothing while at work. It bled so much, I began to feel woozy, and everyone kept brushing me off when I asked where the first aid kits were. FML
Today, I cut my finger deep on an envelope at work and started bleeding profusely. When I asked my co-worker for a band-aid, she told me to get back to work and stop making up excuses to try and hit on her. FML
Today, I saw the guy I bullied during elementary school and tried to apologize to him. Instead, he took out a knife and stabbed me. I'm currently in the ER. FML
Today, the jackoffs at my new job kept making jokes about my prosthetic leg. When I finally lost my shit and told one of them to back off, he said "Woah there, Mr Pistorius!" then said he'll avoid using the restroom now in case I decide to shoot him through the door. FML
Today, a patient, who is normally pretty chill, was being quite difficult for my workmates. They were whinging about him and I defended him, he's normally a sweet guy so something must be upsetting him. I went to chat with him, he punched me and called a useless a**hole. FML
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Top comments
your_face 15
You may be in the wrong profession.
Porschephile 0
All part of the business. Just be glad that you're far smarter than he is.
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Comments (179)
agm77 9
Every job has idiots you have to deal with. Sorry OP.
linkinpark98 24
*Jackie Chan meme face*
ninjafury101 2
At least he didn't try to break his leg over a samurai sword...
Hart07 0
I honestly dont understand why your complaining. You work at a place where idiots and commen sense people come in for help. Pick a different job if you honestly think that something like this worth bitching about.
Shrike 24
Woah woah woah, that man rams a SWORD into his leg and takes a doc's time away from people that need help who didn't bring it on themselves, and the DOC'S the asshole? Really?? The most that man should get is a sewing needle and some thread.
Complaining 13
Lacerations aren't that difficult... Are you sure you want to stay a doctor?
thewife5 19
Feel free to quit and do us all a favor
brianjman14 23
Ya know, for a second there, I thought the OP was gonna be DocBastard. It kind of sounded like something he would post.
hyden121 2
Time for a career change...
missalkali 8
whoa! dumbass do you know how an ER works? let me break it down for you. people are admitted in order of urgency, this guy will be far behind the guy having a heart attack and the one with an asthma attack. also, who decided this guy is the doctor?! I didn't see that anywhere in the FML. how do you know it's not the anise at the check in counter?! and who decided the OP is male?