Today, after a few days of getting what seemed like an odd, scattered rash every time I showered, I finally figured out the problem. It turns out I wasn't just allergic to all the different soap I tried. Apparently a family of very angry spiders have decided to make my loofah their new home. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out where the mysterious bites on my back keep coming from. It's not every day you find an earwig in your loofah. FML
Today, while I was in the shower, I noticed a short, black hair on my loofah. I ignored it and lathered up my entire body with it. When I put it back down, a roach crawled out of it. What I thought was a black hair was in fact its antenna. FML
Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML
Today, with water in my eyes, I stepped out of the shower and rubbed my face with a towel. When I looked in the mirror, I realized there had been a giant spider on the towel. Its guts and legs were smeared all over my face. FML
Today, after an extremely stressful day, I took a hot bath when I got home. I used my little sister's bubble bath to make it more enjoyable and relaxing. I then broke out in hives. I guess I'm allergic to bubble bath. FML
Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML
Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I'm allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist, and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML
Today, I woke up with a rash all across my body. Last night, my boyfriend and I got it on in some bushes, and it seems one of those was poison ivy. FML
Today, despite years of paranoid checking, I forgot to check my towel for spiders after my shower. Two crawled onto me, and I'm pretty sure there's one somewhere in my hair. FML
Today, I discovered my washcloths smelled like mushrooms. As I'm allergic to mold, I panicked and spent all day washing every towel and sheet in the house. At last, I went to take a shower and discovered that the mushroom smell was actually emanating from my $5-a-bar organic soap. FML
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Top comments
hellobobismyname 24
I fail to see how a) you couldn't see a whole family of spiders living in your loofah and b) how the family of spiders lived through multiple sessions of you putting soap and water on the loofah and rubbing it vigorously all over your body.
alex_gen 39
Loofahman, Loofahman, does whatever a Loofah can.
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Comments (48)
alex_gen 39
Loofahman, Loofahman, does whatever a Loofah can.
mondesno 19
OP's name is hilarious
hellobobismyname 24
I fail to see how a) you couldn't see a whole family of spiders living in your loofah and b) how the family of spiders lived through multiple sessions of you putting soap and water on the loofah and rubbing it vigorously all over your body.
Moskaaa7 26
Thanks for the visual.
Lalala579121 28
They're cockroach spiders. They can live through anything.
Dunwannaname 8
I shower without my contacts in so that could be OP's case too
Weasely 11
Yeah none of this really makes sense and just seems fake. They'd be crawling everywhere when he got the sponge wet and impossible to not see, and probably would be dead or have left after their home after they became soapy, soaked and squished around through multiple showers. Though I could see how a baby spider nest might be made in a loofah and discovered once. Like the myth that spiders are stupid enough to crawl into your mouth at night, there's a myth that every random red mark might be a spider bite. The reality is that spiders want to avoid people and it's very rare for them to bite humans, most "spider bites" are from other insects. It doesn't make sense for a bunch of baby spiders to come out and attack someone, they'd be too busy running for their lives anyway.
Meg6689 6
Umm thank you!! The exact two thoughts that I had while reading this post!!
yovanyovo 1
The hood never dies.
ReallyHottChic 14
Sorry OP but I agree with #3. My family and I live in an old home with spiders who try to consume our garage. I normally hose them suckers down and they hall ass with their babies!! The few that survive the power of my hose,I am the "Spider Annihilator!"
TacoTheDank 27
lol
Cow_Girl_Lilly 24
That's why you get a light colored loofah. Sorry OP that sucks
nicole1765 14
Time for a new loofah. Go to the store. Your Spidey senses should be tingling when you get close to the perfect one.
mermaidgirle 12
Oh gods. I'm pretty chill with bugs, but oh gods. *shudder*
RememberSchlitz 9
If spiders are making a living in your house (not just wandering in), you probably have other bug problems. Start by looking for water leaks and mold. That's the base of the food chain that leads to spiders in your loofah.
wow2mylife 25
they arn't angry there just are hungry
Demon_of_Light 27
They're probably angry now that OP has repeatedly attempted to drown/squash them.
wow2mylife 25
didn't think of the after affects
DannyDizzle 8
Maybe you got crabs?