Today, my girlfriend left for basic training. I went to say goodbye to her at the airport. Only after I walked back to my car did I realize that she still had the keys. My extra set was back at the house, locked in. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I thought it would be romantic to take my girlfriend to the beach. It was raining so we left our shoes and phones in the car so we wouldn't be bothered. Apparently, I left my keys in the car too. The car was locked. FML
Today, my roommate asked me to lock the door as we left our place. I told her to use my keys, because my hands were full. Afterwards, she and her boyfriend set off out of town for the next couple of days. She forgot to give me back my keys. FML
Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML
Today, I was sleeping in after working a graveyard shift. I awoke to my girlfriend sneaking her stuff out of the house. She planned on leaving her key on my pillow and taking off without any notice whatsoever. FML
Today, I helped my fiancé pack up and head to Texas for a business trip. I'm not only going to miss him, but I'll also miss my car keys that I accidentally left in his car. I drive for a living. FML
Today, I got back from a six month deployment overseas. My girlfriend of three years couldn't pick me up from the airport because she had an intramural softball game to go to. FML
Today, I took the bus home after visiting a friend. Standing in front of my house, I realized that I had forgotten my keys. They were still in my car, which I had parked at my friend's place and forgotten. FML
Today, after locking my keys in the car and waiting three hours for my mom to bring me my spare, I reached into my bag only to find my keys. FML
Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML
Today, I went with my girlfriend to the airport for some much needed vacation time. We arrived on time but were stopped at the gate when they told me I didn't have the right passport. The plane left without me. My girlfriend did too. FML
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Top comments
iNewKid 20
Well, that's gonna be a very expensive journey to get your keys back.
perdix 31
Well, you'd better not criticize her for her stupidity and thoughtlessness, because when she gets back, she will be able to kick your ass. Then, you can live in fear of her, happily ever after.
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Comments (118)
iNewKid 20
Well, that's gonna be a very expensive journey to get your keys back.
stripeycrakers 7
The only expensive thing is going to be bailing him out of prison when he fails to break in to his own house
tygerarmy 35
She can mail them back. In the mean time you probably just break in.
Awahso 25
You do not get bailed out of prison...you go to prison once you have been convicted of a felony and sentenced to more than 1 year. If he were amazingly arrested, he would go to jail. While its gonna cost OP to get home and replace a window, he'll be fine overall.
journeytotheend 16
It's called a locksmith.
asherm 15
Thank you! Glad someone else had that thought
DogsPaw 16
You can get arrested for breaking into your own house?
beth_ebdon 6
Call your dad
StalkerChick 13
Awesome advice!
kittykat1497 7
What's his dad gonna do? Magically unlock the door? Break into the house?
ICastillo 25
Hmm I break into my house when I lock my keys inside is that bad or what...
TheOnlyKittyKat 15
No, but you don't need to call your dad to break in for you. You're your own man! :D
ICastillo 25
That's right I am my own man... *yells for dad to help open car*
ICastillo 25
Don't get me wrong miss Kat. I'm not afraid to ask for help when needed. Know what I mean.
Abantiquo 7
And *that's* why Dad put salt in your coffee when you asked him to make you one.
SillyGirl4602 23
2- that would work if he had an extra key. Not everyone's parents keep spare keys to their son/daughter's home or car. I never gave my parents one.
joshiepo0 18
My father does not have a spare key to my car but I have one to his since I go to school in same town he works and he frequently locks himself out.
SuperDanielNL 23
Super-dad tot the rescue?
Pleonasm 36
Looks like you're going to have to force a window or door open, and hotwire that baby. But have you ever though of joining the Army? "Discover yourself."
Pleonasm 36
You want your keys back, you maggot? I want to see you sweat for them! Now drop and give me 100 pushups!
hellbilly205 17
Actually in basic now a days they can't say maggot, nor make you do 100 pushups in a row. New army and all
poccocurantes 7
What about mountain climbers as soon as you get out of chow? That was always my favorite. That and grass drill in the rain at 2 am.
S182 15
Forced hydration was my least favorite part, especially right after chow.
Osito2011 9
Got to love the mothers of America. In my day, the mothers of America tried to pull that. However, my drill instructor was like "**** that, you things are going to be marines not pussy." From there one, we continued are training.
ilovemarkhoppus 14
Get a taxi there should be plenty there
Wishez 12
But it sucks for OP because that will be very expensive.
xStaciexLynnx 15
You don't know how much it will cost really. Maybe op lives close to the airport.
ilovemarkhoppus 14
Better than nothing
Zambi33 6
His girlfriend is in the army AND she drove them their? Dude before she left did she at least give you your manhood back?
Arrawyn 12
Well, that could cause a problem...
igive 29
It did.
kittykat1497 7
That's why it's an FML.
Rancor 5
WOMEN IN THE ARMY, preposterous!! But all jokes aside, call a locksmith.
accioshannon 17
Pretty sure the women dying out there in the army don't find much humor in that.
Free4ever 6
Star walking? Good luck getting home OP >.
howdeedoo 22
I'm curious...how does one accomplish this "star walking?" It sounds awesome
whostolemylama 12
Actually Michael Jackson did not invent the moonwalk. *The More You Know* OP: What is this star walking that you speak of?
Osito2011 9
Yup that is true. It was turbo from breakin that taught Michael the moon walk. Now for star walking, that's something you have to ask Han Solo about or maybe even Luke.
Blackcatluck 19
Break in or call the general service police number not 911 tho I already made that mistake once...
perdix 31
Well, you'd better not criticize her for her stupidity and thoughtlessness, because when she gets back, she will be able to kick your ass. Then, you can live in fear of her, happily ever after.
94yhy 8
I'm sure all this happened quite a while ago. After all, she's already back and he has had to ask for her permission to climax.
joshiepo0 18
Get to walking and use that zapatomobile.
SuperDanielNL 23
Zapatomobile, love that term. Back in Holland we have the term: "benenwagen", literally leg-wagon/car.