Today, my little cousin is going to be staying at our house for a year or so, because of financial problems. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that every single night he creeps up on me while I'm sleeping, and shouts, "GO FUCK YOURSELF!" directly into my ear. Only another 11 months to go. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 4 year old cousin is staying overnight. Every time I fall asleep he wakes me up to tell me I fell asleep. FML
Today, it's the third day in a row my roommate has woken me up with blasting music, after keeping me up late listening to him screaming into his Xbox headset. His kids ate the last of my food. I can't even take a shit without one of them barging in. His whole fucking family is a walking condom commercial. FML
Today, my 30-year old cousin, who is unemployed, parasitic and never completed high-school, whose girlfriend is a crack addict, wants to move into my place. He was evicted from an apartment building two weeks ago for assaulting some neighbors. FML
Today, my 7-year-old cousin has been having raging temper tantrums, added to an inability to tell the truth, and a disturbingly sociopathic nature. I'm pretty sure I'm seeing a psychopath in the making, and I'm stuck living here for two months. FML
Today, my screw-up brother turned up at my house, expecting to move in rent free. Apparently, mom kicked him out and sent him to me. He's a freeloading demon, who's almost impossible to get rid of, so I told him to get lost and locked my door. Now my mom calls every 5 minutes to call me a selfish asshole. FML
Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
Today, I've suffered 3 months of my neighbor blasting his music so loud, it shakes my apartment floor. None of my noise complaints are ever followed up, but the moment I give him a piece of my mind, he calls the cops, and they threaten me with jail time over a few curse words. FML
Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML
Today, it marks the fourth month since my 15-year-old cousin asked me out, then started practically stalking me when I said no. It's also the fourth month of my parents and his constantly telling me to stop overreacting and that it's "just a phase." FML
Today, while I was asleep, my three-year-old cousin wet the bed again. MY bed. FML
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Top comments
upintheorange 5
obey him. next time he goes in your room, be masturbating.
maphineRAWRS 10
how old is he? :S maybe he'll stop.. untill then I vote bear trap at your door. (:
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Comments (198)
Xavi89 0
hahaha!!!!
azzaj 0
How old is he?
KVKdragon 26
lock the door. not that hard to do so. if you can't, then you should barricade the door with stuff to the point that its blocked.
SAgirl 23
Kick him in the balls for everytime he does it, he'll stop soon :D
questionita11 0
beat the kid
truthinlies 1
problem is you can't even look at your kid without them threatning to call social services
o3livi0us1 0
This may be cold but he's not their kid anyway, I say let the system take the brat. If he is so ungreatful to have family looking out for him that he does crap like this, he can go live in a foster home until his mother or father straighten their situation out.
questionita11 0
beat the kid
canadian_ftw 8
um... lock your door?
xX_rawr_KiTTiEXx 0
you look like a girl from my school. shes canadian, lives in florida & yeahhh. ezcept her name is hannah, not sarah.
canadian_ftw 8
haha! what a coincidence :P
ISOTheDarkTower 0
Your cousin sounds like a douche. Lock for door dude!
dynky 3
Tell him that next time he does it you'll throw him out of the house. And then follow through. Problem solved. It's your house, you're not under any obligation to have him stay.
Zebidee 9
Exactly. Explain to his parents that they can't stay with you any more because they can't control their kid. Let's see him try that in the homeless shelter.
imright24 0
People don't usually get up in the middle of the night, every night, to do that. You probably deserve it.