Today, my little cousin is going to be staying at our house for a year or so, because of financial problems. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that every single night he creeps up on me while I'm sleeping, and shouts, "GO FUCK YOURSELF!" directly into my ear. Only another 11 months to go. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 4 year old cousin is staying overnight. Every time I fall asleep he wakes me up to tell me I fell asleep. FML
Today, it's the third day in a row my roommate has woken me up with blasting music, after keeping me up late listening to him screaming into his Xbox headset. His kids ate the last of my food. I can't even take a shit without one of them barging in. His whole fucking family is a walking condom commercial. FML
Today, my 30-year old cousin, who is unemployed, parasitic and never completed high-school, whose girlfriend is a crack addict, wants to move into my place. He was evicted from an apartment building two weeks ago for assaulting some neighbors. FML
Today, my 7-year-old cousin has been having raging temper tantrums, added to an inability to tell the truth, and a disturbingly sociopathic nature. I'm pretty sure I'm seeing a psychopath in the making, and I'm stuck living here for two months. FML
Today, my screw-up brother turned up at my house, expecting to move in rent free. Apparently, mom kicked him out and sent him to me. He's a freeloading demon, who's almost impossible to get rid of, so I told him to get lost and locked my door. Now my mom calls every 5 minutes to call me a selfish asshole. FML
Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
Today, I've suffered 3 months of my neighbor blasting his music so loud, it shakes my apartment floor. None of my noise complaints are ever followed up, but the moment I give him a piece of my mind, he calls the cops, and they threaten me with jail time over a few curse words. FML
Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML
Today, it marks the fourth month since my 15-year-old cousin asked me out, then started practically stalking me when I said no. It's also the fourth month of my parents and his constantly telling me to stop overreacting and that it's "just a phase." FML
Today, while I was asleep, my three-year-old cousin wet the bed again. MY bed. FML
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Top comments
upintheorange 5
obey him. next time he goes in your room, be masturbating.
maphineRAWRS 10
how old is he? :S maybe he'll stop.. untill then I vote bear trap at your door. (:
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Comments (198)
canadiangleek 0
fellow Canadian, I suggest you put gravol in his food and he'll sleep like a baby all night :) hahaha
darkmis1 18
Lock your bedroom door.
fluffycats 0
solution=beat his ass up
Sparx1_1 16
talk to your parents - if they can't or won't spank him, then you do it
tmmundy 17
I'm sure he goes to sleep before u do, right? or set ur alarm for like 2:00 in the morn get a scary mask and go in his room and scream same thing right in his ear....just imagine the look on his face...heck, he might even piss himself....lmao...and tell him it will happen at random times day and nite until he stops!!!!
anorexicbarbie 8
I don't give a crap about financial problems, I'd kick his little spoiled ass out.
MonkeySpeaks 4
Um talk to your parents or lock your door - doesn't seem to be that big of an issue. Highly doubt this will go on for 11 months...
nbsmatambo 2
wait for him to cone into your room, and when he is about to scream.... punch him right in the face lol
everlife_333 3
get back at him by doing the same or even better put his hands in warm water while he sleeps so he pisses himself XD
marsmallowsrule 0
that sucks kick his ass out!!!