Today, my little cousin is going to be staying at our house for a year or so, because of financial problems. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that every single night he creeps up on me while I'm sleeping, and shouts, "GO FUCK YOURSELF!" directly into my ear. Only another 11 months to go. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 4 year old cousin is staying overnight. Every time I fall asleep he wakes me up to tell me I fell asleep. FML
Today, it's the third day in a row my roommate has woken me up with blasting music, after keeping me up late listening to him screaming into his Xbox headset. His kids ate the last of my food. I can't even take a shit without one of them barging in. His whole fucking family is a walking condom commercial. FML
Today, my 30-year old cousin, who is unemployed, parasitic and never completed high-school, whose girlfriend is a crack addict, wants to move into my place. He was evicted from an apartment building two weeks ago for assaulting some neighbors. FML
Today, my 7-year-old cousin has been having raging temper tantrums, added to an inability to tell the truth, and a disturbingly sociopathic nature. I'm pretty sure I'm seeing a psychopath in the making, and I'm stuck living here for two months. FML
Today, my screw-up brother turned up at my house, expecting to move in rent free. Apparently, mom kicked him out and sent him to me. He's a freeloading demon, who's almost impossible to get rid of, so I told him to get lost and locked my door. Now my mom calls every 5 minutes to call me a selfish asshole. FML
Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
Today, I've suffered 3 months of my neighbor blasting his music so loud, it shakes my apartment floor. None of my noise complaints are ever followed up, but the moment I give him a piece of my mind, he calls the cops, and they threaten me with jail time over a few curse words. FML
Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML
Today, it marks the fourth month since my 15-year-old cousin asked me out, then started practically stalking me when I said no. It's also the fourth month of my parents and his constantly telling me to stop overreacting and that it's "just a phase." FML
Today, while I was asleep, my three-year-old cousin wet the bed again. MY bed. FML
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Top comments
upintheorange 5
obey him. next time he goes in your room, be masturbating.
maphineRAWRS 10
how old is he? :S maybe he'll stop.. untill then I vote bear trap at your door. (:
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Comments (198)
skyeyez9 25
Punch him hard right in his nose next time. Blame it on being "startled out of a deep sleep." He is in YOUR house, your home turf, so use it to your advantage. Shit, hit below the belt by making fun of his situation about having to live at your house.
noscope_ftw 0
lock your door?
toohottiedottie 2
and that's exactly the moment you pop him in the mouth!
TheNewGuy03 29
for all those who are advising op to lock his door, block it, etc., then they must consider that, if the kid is as annoying as all of us can surmise, he will try alternate means to bother his big cousin, e.g., banging on the door. the next time he tries some bullshit like that, sock him straight in the muthafuckin' dome. he won't forget shit. plan b is choking him out, but whatever. do what you want. |the kid|
RaRasHoRts 0
ahaha! wow! XD
Daddymo 14
Webcam. YouTube. Send link to his parents. Simples!
bobsanction 18
Punch the little ****** in the fact and say you were asleep.
dragonmystik3030 0
2am.. Hockey mask, fake blood and a chainsaw and see how the lil prick likes to be woken up :) oh and video it so when he ***** his pants you can send it to funniest home videos :)
DatingScaresMe 2
Are you being outsmarted by the kid, or overpowered? If you consider yourself more intelligent and virile than a small child then turn the tables on him. Duh.
MissErikaHart 0
I hate that word :(