Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML
Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML
Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML
Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML
Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his buddies that the main reason he got into video game modding was so he could put a virtual version of me in his games and "shoot the fuck out of that bitch". FML
Today, my fiancé and I finally had the house to ourselves for the night for the first time in MONTHS, and we don't know when we will get a chance like this again. So, he texts his buddy to play zombies. FML
Today, I saw my buddy at the mechanic's on speaker with his wife. I did a very fake female voice and said, “He’s here with me! He’s my man now!” He rushed home to see all his stuff on fire on the front lawn. I had no idea how psycho she was and now he wants to kill me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I watched the new movie "The Purge." After the movie, I jokingly asked him that if the U.S. had such a purge in real life, would he participate, and who would he kill first. Without missing a beat, he said, "you." FML
Today, I was walking to my friend's Halloween themed birthday party in my zombie costume. Apparently, my crazy coke addicted neighbor found the costume too realistic. He tackled me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
abattior 18
Does that mean the only thing stopping him from killing you is law? i really think you should divorce his ass!
pixigem 15
If you have a husband that thinks so negatively of you, you guys should talk. It won't get better by ignoring it, be honest and open about your feelings, don't lie it'll only get worse!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (105)
DemonBoy1988 22
Next time the 2 of you are going to bed for some "action", I suggest you skip the roleplaying part...