Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim, and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier, I realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go, "Don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I nervously went to the store to buy condoms for the first time. I felt like everything was going well, and checked out happily. As I was walking out, the cashier lady said to the woman next in line, "He thinks he's going to need condoms." They both looked at me and started laughing. FML
Today, I was shopping at Costco for a romantic evening with my girlfriend, I bought some flowers, dinner, and a super pack of condoms, At the register behind me, I heard somebody say, "Good thing my daughter has a responsible boyfriend." It was my girlfriend's father. FML
Today, a friend asked me if I'd buy him some condoms because he's too shy to buy them himself. I obliged and whilst queuing at the till to buy them I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see my fiancée glaring at me. We don't use condoms. FML
Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML
Today, I went to the store to pick up some feminine products. As I was paying, the male cashier looked at me sympathetically and asked if it was my girlfriend's time of the month. I'm a girl and was buying them for myself. FML
Today, I was buying condoms for my girlfriend and myself. While at the checkout counter, my guy friend sees me, runs to me, puts his arm around me, kisses me on the cheek, then yells "Thank you baby!" There were about twenty people behind me, they all gave me dirty looks. FML
Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms. I couldn't find them anywhere, so I nervously asked a staff member for help. She scowled, pointed at the shelf directly behind me, and told me to, "Get a life. Or better pick-up lines." I'll never live down the snickers from the other customers. FML
Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML
Today, I was in the 'intimacy' section of Walmart. After grabbing 2 boxes of condoms and a vibrating ring I turn around to see my ex boyfriend's mom. I smile awkwardly and put my head down as I walk away, causing me to colide with his dad and send my 'goodies' all over the floor. FML
Today, my father-in-law caught me, a lesbian, buying condoms. He thought I was cheating. I didn’t know how to tell him that his daughter is allergic to our dildo. FML
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Top comments
slyvanilla_creme 0
You didn't know where your gf's father works? That bites.... Next time, tell him its for sex ed and your teaching kids how to put it on a banana.
Miru_fml 0
"her dads a cashier? he sure got far in life..." @#1: You shouldn't be so ignorant, some people couldn't afford higher education. Or perhaps Kim's dad was an immigrant just trying to establish a life in a new country. It's hard for them.
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Comments (65)
slyvanilla_creme 0
You didn't know where your gf's father works? That bites.... Next time, tell him its for sex ed and your teaching kids how to put it on a banana.
shh_baby_shhh 0
That's brilliant, certainly one of my favourite FMLs I've ever read.
enormouselephant 15
I feel like he makes it sound like a threesome 'my girlfriend, Kim, and I'.
MissFae 0
I saw someone make this one up before.
jayhawk63 0
Sounds a little too much like the story of the kid who buys condoms then goes to dinner at his girlfriend's house only to find out her dad sold him the condoms... Funny, nonetheless.
RyGan 0
I know .. I've heard this joke before .. could be a fake FML . Or a stupid OP
Agent00mo 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
So You wrote This Story From Your Daughters Boyfriends POV. Its Funny Now But I Bet When You Were Ringing The Kid Up, You Weren't So Happy. Thanks For Sharing. Now Write One From Your POV. ... Seems Like You And The KId Have Alot In Common. FML.
taylorbear3397 0
Why Capitalize Every Word In Your Comment Like This
Spongii101 12
Because he's weird.
TheNewGuy03 29
No, 61, he's EDGY.
Miru_fml 0
"her dads a cashier? he sure got far in life..." @#1: You shouldn't be so ignorant, some people couldn't afford higher education. Or perhaps Kim's dad was an immigrant just trying to establish a life in a new country. It's hard for them.
commonsense 0
this was taken out straight from the movie Wheres the Party Yaar? ......
KatieWagnerFab 0
That sucks. You should have said you we're playing a prank on someone. or you were buying them for your dad....or older brother.
anonymous23_fml 0
ookay, why do people get so crazy??? this is just a story. this isn't i-need-advice.com... it's FML.com. so let people vent and stop getting all Dr. Phill that's all :)
Tri_fml 5
@ #14 - wtf? Lots of people use protection even in a long term relationship - contraceptive pills aren't 100% effective, and some of us don't want a kid just yet. Aside from that theres no mention of how long they've been together, it could be their first time together and it's certainly advisable to use protection in that case. However. This story made me rofl, definitely going in favs :)