Today, my father-in-law caught me, a lesbian, buying condoms. He thought I was cheating. I didn’t know how to tell him that his daughter is allergic to our dildo. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML
Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML
Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim, and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier, I realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go, "Don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML
Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML
Today, I was shopping at Costco for a romantic evening with my girlfriend, I bought some flowers, dinner, and a super pack of condoms, At the register behind me, I heard somebody say, "Good thing my daughter has a responsible boyfriend." It was my girlfriend's father. FML
Today, a friend asked me if I'd buy him some condoms because he's too shy to buy them himself. I obliged and whilst queuing at the till to buy them I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see my fiancée glaring at me. We don't use condoms. FML
Today, my mom barged into my room, threw 5 boxes of condoms at me, then said, "So you don't get pregnant". She still hasn't accepted the fact that I'm a lesbian. FML
Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML
Today, as I was going to hook up with a sex friend, I discovered that my pack of condoms was missing. Then I saw my sister chewing out her two 10-year-old twins, who'd found them in my drawer. This how my family, who had visited me for family dinner, found out about my sexual life. FML
Today, my mother found condoms in my room. She asked why and I said, "Just in case." She started laughing hysterically. FML
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Top comments
juggalo2 22
Easy. Just tell him his daughter knows all about it, and if he wants to know more about his daughter's sex life then ask her. Tell him to butt out of your sex life.
manb91gb 15
Uhh... Be an adult and tell him... Or better yet, get HER to explain. It's her Dad after all...
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Comments (6)
manb91gb 15
Uhh... Be an adult and tell him... Or better yet, get HER to explain. It's her Dad after all...
juggalo2 22
Easy. Just tell him his daughter knows all about it, and if he wants to know more about his daughter's sex life then ask her. Tell him to butt out of your sex life.
julfunky 29
You say that as if he was out of line. He had a decent reason to be suspicious. I would HOPE my father would at the very least let me know if he had suspicions of my partner cheating. It has nothing to do with his daughter’s sex life and everything to do with making sure she isn’t being betrayed by her girlfriend. If he thought his daughter knew I can guarantee he wouldn’t be asking questions. He doesn’t want to know about her sex life.
juggalo2 22
He is out of line. If he thinks his daughter-in-law might be cheating, the correct approach is to discretely tell his daughter and why. Confronting the "cheater" is disrespectful to both of them.
Charlie Given 28
Or go get a glass ***** there hypoallergenic
BurnInDemonFire 39
So buy a different *****. Much cheaper in the long run than buying condoms every so often.
dipshizz 3
Can't you just like buy a new *****?
coius 23
Tell him you have a dick andcanstill get her pregnant. Troll his ass (kudos if you accidently send a ‘doctored’ selfie with a ‘shopped dick added to make it look like you are a hermaphrodite. No need to remove shirt and put blur across your face so he cant try post smearing you online.