Today, I saw a long black hair coming out of the drain. Thinking it was my sister's, I called her in and pulled it out for her to see, only to realize I was actually pulling out a long brown roach by the antenna. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was changing my sheets, I found a huge spider under my pillow. My 10 year-old sister had to get rid of it for me. FML
Today, I looked into my sink's garbage disposal for the first time since I moved in two months ago. Apparently, the putrid smell was not the food I've been throwing down it, but instead, a now what appears to be mutilated litter of rats. FML
Today, I called a pest control company to ask them to come over to my place to help get rid of rats. The person on the phone told me to "be a man and stop acting like a girl". I'm a woman. FML
Today, I pulled one of my favorite hoodies out of my closet, and immediately noticed several large stains on it. Apparently, my dad had managed to open a hole in the roof and couldn't be bothered to patch it, so a squirrel got in and used my closet as a litter box. FML
Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML
Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML
Today, I was talking with a very attractive coworker outside when a moth flew into my ear. I started screaming and hitting my ear because it was stuck and alive in my ear. I spent the rest of the day at the ER. I'm forever known as The Moth Lady. FML
Today, my mom confessed to me that she used to pluck my step-dad's butt hair. I hope the brain-gods delete this obnoxious mental picture. FML
Today, I was getting ready for a date when I noticed a spot on my chin. To get rid of it, I applied my sister's spot cream rather than picking it off. Within minutes, my entire chin looked like a swollen tomato. FML
Today, for the first time in about 3 years, I decided to clean my car. It was going really well until I looked down at what I was about to pick up. On the back seat floor lay a dead snake, which at one point, for God knows how long, was living in my car while I unknowingly drove it around. FML
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Top comments
Kromcakes 9
Oh that's nasty.
Bloodcalibur 13
Time to burn down the house. No other options.
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Comments (53)
FluffyPandas156 13
I would get an inspector just in case you have more
amiran_09 10
La cucaracha, la cucaracha?
ollivander_fml 11
Why the **** would you try to show her her own hair. She sees it everyday.
ShitHappen_fml 15
Ew! just ew!
wanted_2_want 40
Spanish not your strong subject, is it 33?
JocelynKaulitz 28
I've actually heard 33's comment from the fairly odd parents.
DianaFrances411 13
AAAAAAAAA!
ostfaiz 18
she must be LoL to see u shocked!
BBeffedmylife 28
Agh! That gave me the heebie jeebies! I hate roaches more than anything!
kumarina 35
#56 you got it, #53 actually it is, this is another way to sing the song