Today, I looked into my sink's garbage disposal for the first time since I moved in two months ago. Apparently, the putrid smell was not the food I've been throwing down it, but instead, a now what appears to be mutilated litter of rats. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML
Today, after cleaning the whole house, I still couldn't get rid of the foul smell. Later, my roommate revealed his new place to "stash and dry" his socks: The ventilation ducts. FML
Today, I called a pest control company to ask them to come over to my place to help get rid of rats. The person on the phone told me to "be a man and stop acting like a girl". I'm a woman. FML
Today, for the first time in about 3 years, I decided to clean my car. It was going really well until I looked down at what I was about to pick up. On the back seat floor lay a dead snake, which at one point, for God knows how long, was living in my car while I unknowingly drove it around. FML
Today, I saw a long black hair coming out of the drain. Thinking it was my sister's, I called her in and pulled it out for her to see, only to realize I was actually pulling out a long brown roach by the antenna. FML
Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML
Today, I pulled one of my favorite hoodies out of my closet, and immediately noticed several large stains on it. Apparently, my dad had managed to open a hole in the roof and couldn't be bothered to patch it, so a squirrel got in and used my closet as a litter box. FML
Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Today, I was taking a dump in a porta-potty at a fair. I had the runs really bad. All I have to say is that it's tough to take a shit that seems never-ending while other people outside are bitching at you and hammering on the flimsy door. FML
Today, I woke up next to my roommate staring in horror. She said I was singing and farting in my sleep. Loudly. FML
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Top comments
AngryBeaver32 8
Mother of God, that's disturbing.
Keyman1212 14
Holy shit I just threw up in my mouth. But for real though OP, I have a garbage disposal unit in my house, and anything substantial makes tons of noise, the squeals and the breaking of bones must have alerted you to something being gravely wrong, no?
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Comments (139)
coolboy675 16
Rats!
thejewishfuhrer 17
That pun was completely intended. No one likes an intended pun. NO ONE.
baconftw 9
I used to post stupid puns, but then i took an arrow in the knee.
sprinklecakes 4
I enjoyed the pun wholeheartedly.
desireev 18
24- That's what the meaning of a 'pun' is.. It's intended. If it wasn't, it wouldn't be a pun!! *sigh* There's no other way to explain it, really..
Michael_92 20
29- Don't you get it yet that arrow to the knee jokes never were and listen closely here NEVER WILL be funny.
zombicidal 11
splinter and his turtle sons are going to kick your ass
Chaos187 6
I used to make pun comments, but then I became a millionaire selling knee armor.
redrat 5
I used to make arrow to the knee jokes but then I grew a pair
christyxbee 15
That's so sad! I know they're rats and all and everyone thinks of them as pests, but they're still animals and still have feelings...what a horrible way to die! Poor little things!
yearcity 0
**** the rats that must smell go get some HO in high concentration or a new sink
bamagrl410 31
70 - They carry extreme amounts of disease. How is that lovable in any way?
WhatIsLuck 6
What does that have to do with anything? Every single animal, including human beings, can carry a vast amount of diseases. Sure, a lot of rats are feral and are more of a nuisance than most species, but a domesticated rat can be just as lovable and playful as any pet, if not more. You just have to give them a chance!
AngryBeaver32 8
Mother of God, that's disturbing.
slick5880 22
It's not everyday people find Master Splinter. Be patient, the turtles will be there soon.
ninjaboy18 6
Ruh roh! Rats!
zine_fml 5
Angry beaver is soo cute lol
AngryBeaver32 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Rats off to ya.
CheckItOutItsYou 7
No
illoveyouu435 0
Dang.. I accidentally thumbed up instead of down!
AngryBeaver32 8
I'm too big of a Tim and Eric fan not to have said this. *hangs head in shame*
PrincessPesa 20
Oh ratty ratty, I'll take you ooohhhooonnnnn! Rat's off to ya baby. Chin up with pride!!
Lidiya8lml 0
#3 Pun FAIL
Keyman1212 14
Holy shit I just threw up in my mouth. But for real though OP, I have a garbage disposal unit in my house, and anything substantial makes tons of noise, the squeals and the breaking of bones must have alerted you to something being gravely wrong, no?
CalCommando 6
I can just hear the faded cries of their ancestors, screaming for justice. Like Infinity Blade.
bamagrl410 31
Not to mention the fact that dead rats do not smell anything like rotten food.
Stealthed 8
Well of course not, they smell like dead rats!
Margemander 4
If they're babies (ie: pinkies) then there probably wouldn't be many bone crunching sounds, and as loud as a disposal is I'm not surprised you wouldn't hear it. Sucks for you, OP. That's both sad and gross.
Omgplz 3
I remember a few years ago someone stepped on a pinky baby rat in my school hallway and everyone thought it was a squished grape...
Vw108 0
105.. Thats horribly disgusting.... And what the heck was a baby pink rat doing in your school!?
MissNicky_fml 0
Umm, many schools have rats or mice problems... retard.
Omgplz 3
There was one in the science lab that had babies and they escape.
ButlerOfChaos 7
Yes!!!
lolmonster34 0
Omg that would be gross sucks you gotta clean it out....fyl
Airman1988 9
**** cleaning it, get the disposal replaced.
lolmonster34 0
^^win
jonriise18 3
**** both of those ideas. Pour a whole bunch of bleach down it and leave it on til they're all gone down the drain!
MrMustangg 0
Turn it on and leave it on. Pour in some drano for safe measure
amoyer0418 1
Hell yeah! Problem solved! Turn it on!!!
girl112891 7
At least you got rid of potential pests!
noegginwayyy 5
That's what I would do!
Airman1988 9
I dont know how long I could stand living in a house that smelt like dead rat but definately wouldnt be 2 months before I was tearing the house apart trying to locate the smell.
Fancyy 0
Youu let the smell of rotten rats go on for two months...?
Michael_92 20
Maybe OP likes the smell lol?
possiblelozer 4
I'm to distracted by your adorable minnie mouse baby profile pic to care what you just had to say.
Yousuck24 21
Well, now you have a reason to check your sink's garbage disposal more often!
GoW_Chick 15
Aww you brutally murdered rat babies, poor little fellas didn't know what hit them.
funnynesh 10
At least someone cares. :')
Chad_the_Brony 0
They're pests. If they were pet rats, I'd feel bad. Mine died overnight. Her skin was blue and I have no idea what killed her. I miss my rat. She was awesome.....
AmbrosiaWriter 17
A wild rat or a pet rat they're both small animals just trying to survive. They don't plot and plan going "How am I going to ruin this person's day today?" They're just looking for something warm and safe, just like any other animal would. I feel like a lot of people say "They're pests" to somehow shift the blame onto the animal or make it seem like the animal has some kind of malicious intent to purposefully hurt/harm/annoy the person :/. So pet or wild, I feel really bad for them to meet their end in such a horrible fashion.
TheDarkCynder 2
Well said, 81