Today, I went to the pharmacy to purchase a brace for my sprained wrist. My wife and I had recently ran out of KY lotion, so I decided to pick up a bottle while I was there. It didn't occur to me that these two items could be perceived as being related until the cashier began to giggle. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the clerk at Walmart asked me if the stretch mark cream I was buying was for my wife. I wish I could've said yes. FML
Today, at work in a call center, I went into my locker to get my pain pills from a recent surgery. When I opened the bottle, half my pills spread all over the floor. My boss walked by and said, "I knew it!" FML
Today, while standing in line at the supermarket, I reached past my wife to get a pack of gum. She jokingly did the "battered wife flinch" to get a laugh, and smiled at me from behind her hand. The cop staring at us obviously didn't notice the smile and definitely didn't think it was funny. FML
Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML
Today, I nervously went to the store to buy condoms for the first time. I felt like everything was going well, and checked out happily. As I was walking out, the cashier lady said to the woman next in line, "He thinks he's going to need condoms." They both looked at me and started laughing. FML
Today, I gave my sister some Lubriderm for a skin condition we share. While she was applying the lotion I joking said, "Wouldn't it be funny if it made it worse?" Guess who got punched in the face, twice, because it did. FML
Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend wanted me to. When I went in I also grabbed some lingerie for her. Thinking I was being clever I wrapped it up in a t-shirt so no one would notice and went to checkout. The cashier then called for a price check on the thong. FML
Today, I was at Bath and Body Works with a friend of mine. She wanted me to smell a particular lotion and when she brought it up to my nose, she squeezed the bottle and lotion went all over my face. Right after, a worker came by and commented how the lotion "got a little too excited". FML
Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML
Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim, and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier, I realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go, "Don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
Good thing you weren't picking up a copy of "American Girl" magazine for your daughter at the same time. You could have been arrested.
zOMGitsdc 0
Ohh you freak! Bow chicka bow wow.
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Comments (121)
psychit 0
i didnt get it...
cave_man_ 0
best one Ive heard in a while.
blastvortex 4
Haha. Think before you act, man. YDI.
n8equalsd 0
This sounds more like an MLIA to me
Arancaytar 0
Apparently, KY lotion is one of those items that really cannot be purchased together with *anything* else. :P
SusanaSaysRawrxD 0
..this is amazing. you made my day. :D but you can't really buy KY or condoms or anything sex related with something else. It's just awkward as ****. And it can be horribly(albeit hilariously) misconstrued into something sexual. o_0
joshizzle3 1
Not as good as that FML from a few months ago about a guy was buying carrots and lube, so he bought some other stuff to make it look like he was making a carrot cake. Then he realized it would look like he was making a carrot cake to shove up his ass. I think that was an FML...
redbluegreen 41
That was actually from the book Haunted. XD
Benben47 0
You mean "Guts" by Chuck Palahniuk...
redbluegreen 41
"Guts" is in the book Haunted, written by Chuck Palahniuk.
Benben47 0
My bad, sorry. :P
hjordis 2
I love that book.:)
iGreen_Day 0
Ohhh I was looking down the comments because I didn't get how the two were related. Thanks.
Ambi_Sinistrous 5
Me too. I'm a girl and I'm not sexually active, so I didn't really get it. xP Glad I'm not the only one.
ScaryyMary 14
I'm a girl and I'm not sexually active, but I got it instantly. Are you homeschooled, or just live in the Bible belt?
fuzzyllama7 0
lol same
Six_and_the_Moon 3
Meh.
Vitamin_C 0
really?? Because all married people want to get pregnant, right? Please locate a brain.