Today, I went to the pharmacy to purchase a brace for my sprained wrist. My wife and I had recently ran out of KY lotion, so I decided to pick up a bottle while I was there. It didn't occur to me that these two items could be perceived as being related until the cashier began to giggle. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, the clerk at Walmart asked me if the stretch mark cream I was buying was for my wife. I wish I could've said yes. FML
Today, at work in a call center, I went into my locker to get my pain pills from a recent surgery. When I opened the bottle, half my pills spread all over the floor. My boss walked by and said, "I knew it!" FML
Today, while standing in line at the supermarket, I reached past my wife to get a pack of gum. She jokingly did the "battered wife flinch" to get a laugh, and smiled at me from behind her hand. The cop staring at us obviously didn't notice the smile and definitely didn't think it was funny. FML
Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML
Today, I nervously went to the store to buy condoms for the first time. I felt like everything was going well, and checked out happily. As I was walking out, the cashier lady said to the woman next in line, "He thinks he's going to need condoms." They both looked at me and started laughing. FML
Today, I gave my sister some Lubriderm for a skin condition we share. While she was applying the lotion I joking said, "Wouldn't it be funny if it made it worse?" Guess who got punched in the face, twice, because it did. FML
Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend wanted me to. When I went in I also grabbed some lingerie for her. Thinking I was being clever I wrapped it up in a t-shirt so no one would notice and went to checkout. The cashier then called for a price check on the thong. FML
Today, I was at Bath and Body Works with a friend of mine. She wanted me to smell a particular lotion and when she brought it up to my nose, she squeezed the bottle and lotion went all over my face. Right after, a worker came by and commented how the lotion "got a little too excited". FML
Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML
Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim, and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier, I realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go, "Don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
Good thing you weren't picking up a copy of "American Girl" magazine for your daughter at the same time. You could have been arrested.
zOMGitsdc 0
Ohh you freak! Bow chicka bow wow.
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Comments (121)
beastly13 0
This even made kirby lol! he hereby gives u a waffle. (>'')># kirby taking over FML! spread the word!
icansayanything_fml 0
stop doing that.
greenltrn2003 0
my god...you have made my evening
gigi2009 0
xD!! (agreed with #55)
underbluesky 0
Well, its not really FML cause at least you have a wife to go home to. I'd be FML if you were going home to ********** alone with your wrist brace.
Leetswaglordmaybe2 9
ooohh... now I get it xD
alwaysalady 0
But how are these related? I don't understand!!!
simplyapril 4
the cashier didnt know it was for him and his wife, so they assumed it was all just for HIM lol
HollyDolly660 8
Omg! I haven't laughed this hard in a long time!!! WIN!!!!!!!!!!!
phenistae 0
I didn't get it at first either...but i am a pure and innocent young lady XD...really made me laugh my ass off...that was Epic!
pmac 1
LOL an unfortunate fisting accident. I hate when that happens.
BananEnigma 24
LOL that's not even what I was thinking but that was even better.
ladiesman14 0
thats ok dude. i might be add cause i date 6 girls. try to have sex 5 times a day. i also beat off and watch **** after that 2 or 3 times before i take a nap.
Carbonchild 0
OP, just be happy the wife didn't wanna make a salad and asked you to pick up a cucumber at the store.