Today, I went on a date. As I hugged him, I felt tingles. As a big believer in clichés, I thought it was the tingles of falling in love. Turns out, it was my allergic reaction to his cologne. I now look like I burned my face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML
Today, I went to a concert. About halfway through, it went quiet at the start of a solo acoustic song. My allergies chose this time to react to some audience member’s strong perfume. I tried to hold back my coughing, but I couldn’t. I found myself interrupting the entire show with a loud drawn-out coughing fit. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I had been talking to online for weeks. When I showed up, he looked nothing like his profile picture, and he spent the entire time talking about his ex-girlfriend. FML
Today, I bought some pricey lipstick for a date tonight. An hour after putting it on, my lips are so swollen, I look like a blow-up sex doll. FML
Today, I was getting ready for a date when I noticed a spot on my chin. To get rid of it, I applied my sister's spot cream rather than picking it off. Within minutes, my entire chin looked like a swollen tomato. FML
Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the rash I've been getting in my underarms, behind my knees and sometimes on my face. Turns out I'm allergic to sweat. I'm a varsity rugby coach, gym teacher, and I just shelled out a stack of cash to get a sauna and steam room installed in my house. FML
Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML
Today, thirty minutes after the end of a great date with a great girl, she texted me, "Yeah, uh, never come near me again." FML
Today, I spent some time in a sunbed to prepare myself for a very special reunion with my boyfriend, who I haven't seen in 6 months. I hope he likes crispy red butt-cheeks, and I wonder whether they will start peeling before or after he returns. FML
Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML
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Top comments
rhysfucker 24
At least he didn't ask you if his handkerchief smelled like chloroform.
NoMore_CoolNames 14
This girl is on fire.
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Comments (66)
worldclassrager 41
You for sure felt the sparks in that kiss..
olpally 33
What kind of cologne does that? Lol damn.
Blondie_0509 6
That's fatal attraction allright!
hellnosucka 27
are you sure his cologne was the reason for your allergy? maybe you're allergic to the guy himself...
gracehi 33
My dad once knew a guy who was allergic to his girlfriend's hair. They broke up. :'(
molliciousj 19
Her shampoo? Hairspray maybe? I have a really hard time believing this...unless his girlfriend was a cat.
brandoneyez1 25
My wife has allergic reactions, very minor, to me. Remember that chemical make up is different and the oils and such we excrete daily are made up differently. It is entirely possibly to be allergic to someone, but usually it has to do with oil or body fluid and not the body itself.
chosha_fml 27
It must be Fate...'s idea of a joke.
sdroze1389 31
you know it's a bad sign when he wears Cologne so cheap it burns you. I'm not one for cliches but that one is concrete.
WeskersSexslave 15
burn baby burn! disco inferno!
LisaDay 14
thats alright. im highly allergic t the chemical in Axe that makes the smell linger. guess what every boy wore at high school everyday to smell "good"
pjsr 33
Hucka Hucka Burnin' Love
glabberfasted 16
It's "hunka," as in a hunk.
Eivana 37
I face-palmed.