Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML
Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML
Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML
Today, I was secretly snacking on my roommate’s chips. I heard her coming, so I shoved the chips under my bed and pretended to read. She came in, sniffed the air, and said, "I know you stole my chips. The evidence is on your face." I had orange cheese dust all over my mouth. FML
Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
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Top comments
xkaokaox 0
It's okay... food can't get you preggers.
rrjr010 0
She just called herself a ****, your life is fine.
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Comments (149)
Endymion_fml 0
Better than the other way around.
HellEnvenom 0
Don't worry, you can always hope that your room mate gets an STD.
sarumanthewhite 0
she's the ****, not you
Serial 2
maybe the ants that come for the chips can screw you, better than nothing, right?
milkradio 0
Your roommate's a bitch.
sarumanthewhite 0
so in your home you've got an obese, greedy bed-ridden drinker and a dirty ****? sounds like a barrel of laughs
dyld921 2
She was obviously joking. Have a sense of humor.
Sonuvabitch 0
Eh, easy girls are not by any means attractive. Not like I wouldn't take advantage of one, but like, I'm glad the girl I'm with has never been an easy **** like that. So she might get boys, but none of them will want to stick around if she's been with 10+ guys. I wouldn't at least.
wtfuckery 0
I don't know if she's trying to call you fat or if you really are or not, but if you are, you can always lose the weight....herpes are forever. So you win either way.
Envy_fml 0
#29 - 10+ boys. Really? So tell me, how many women can a man sleep with before he's taken off the market?