Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML
Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML
Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML
Today, I was secretly snacking on my roommate’s chips. I heard her coming, so I shoved the chips under my bed and pretended to read. She came in, sniffed the air, and said, "I know you stole my chips. The evidence is on your face." I had orange cheese dust all over my mouth. FML
Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
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Top comments
xkaokaox 0
It's okay... food can't get you preggers.
rrjr010 0
She just called herself a ****, your life is fine.
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Comments (149)
Kitty34_fml 0
How in the world can someone find the fact that they found chips in their bed so funny that they need to go tell their roommate? I would have smacked you for wasting my time with that pointless, unfunny story.
duds24 0
Who cares, as long as your not fat from all the food your not the ****!
qwerty105 0
LOL just coz she woke up with a guy in her bed does not make her a ****, yous are just jealous shes getting some and you arnt
0010110 0
wake up with a boy is typical for her? *****. assuming he's just any guy at random, and was probably drunk as well there probably wasn't protection either. you're better off with food on your bed than a baby in your belly.
whyXD 13
Agree with #5.
PokeyStix 3
You don't get STDs from Doritos...
Freaky_Darlings 0
Reveeeeeeenge! You must seek revenge! One night while she's asleep, sneak in and dump bags of chips and fast food all over her. And, er... then run?
SpammityCalamity 0
I'd reply, "Hah, yeah, typical night. I wake up with maybe some chip crumbs on my crotch. You wake up with a petri dish full of STD's on yours. Congratulations, you win my friend. :)"
iristhevirus 0
Don't be jealous of a ****, that's pathetic
doleofbob 0
well sounds like she's a **** but if that makes you jealous that just means that you want to be a **** but are too ugly or weird which is even more pathetic than actually being a **** so just keep on drinking and passing out eating chips its really attractive