Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I heard water dripping at the back of our house. I went to investigate, only to find a man peeing on our garden gnome. FML
Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML
Today, my wife tried to prove that I don’t pay attention to anything related to the house by putting a decorative gnome on the table. When I mentioned it, she pointed out that she’d put over 25 gnomes all over the house for the past couple of weeks. I just noticed them today. FML
Today, I was mowing my lawn when I lost control along our lawn borders and ran over one of my neighbor’s many garden gnomes. It exploded into a pile of ceramic. I soon discovered it was a limited edition collector's item when the neighbor came out just in time to see me turning her prized lawn decoration into shards. FML
Today, I checked over the pictures on my night-cam to see if my cats are really going on our kitchen counters. As soon as I'd seen the first picture, I realized that this whole time that my cats hadn't been going on it. It was a rat. FML
Today, my daughter was charged with multiple counts of vandalism and trespassing. It seems she's been sneaking out in the middle of the night, stealing and breaking our neighbors' lawn ornaments. Specifically garden gnomes. FML
Today, after house sitting for my neighbor, I realized that he has a camera pointed at my pool. FML
Today, I was installing wireless surveillance cameras outside my workplace. Before mounting them, I pointed them around the building to make sure there was a good signal and picture. I got inside to the monitor just in time to see a kid steal one of the cameras. FML
Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML
Today, my neighbor, who has 4 video cameras pointed at the front of my house, got a drone that’s now hovering over my backyard. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
It has begun. Hide yo wife, hide yo kids; no-body is safe.
cupcakechick 17
call the cops
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Comments (166)
PaulieXP 16
Do you own a lot of shoes? If so, just leave them in the living room tonight along with some milk & cookies and in the morning BAM! Just like new!
ewang_ 12
Game of gnomes
Ali_Br_fml 33
Do you live alone? Maybe it's someone who lives with you, they saw cameras outside & decided to just place it inside to freak you out... But I'm sure that would've been your first thought if you didn't live alone... From now on, check your locks, and make sure all your windows are locked. It can't hurt to do a quick lock check before you go to bed, or when you get home. Be safe. Hopefully you don't really have a stalker. Call the cops if you don't live alone, and didn't give your house keys to anyone...
timss4 19
Has Turd Sucker written all over it lol
Xivion 19
The gnomes! They're alive!!!
dutch_girl13 20
Don't touch the gnomes. Call the cops. Tell them your story. Have them check the gnomes for fingerprints. That should catch the culprit.
RedPillSucks 33
Nothing is on the tapes because it's one of OPs multiple personalities that put the gnomes there.
MexicanTexasQtt 9
Maybe you sleepwalk
JAB9989 13
Seems like gnomebody gnomes who's doing this
SaxophoneHero 12
Check to see if your underpants are missing!