Today, at work, I accidentally walked into a meeting at which the whole company was there but me. The meeting was about how they could legally fire me while paying as little severance as possible. I'm the CEO and the founder of the company. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, the CEO of my company wanted to meet with me. I was excited until I found out she just wanted to bitch me out and personally fire me. Later on, I found out my boss had totally shafted me and blamed the failure of a big project on me instead of admitting it was all his fault. FML
Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML
Today, after coming out of a meeting during which I promised my employees better wages, I was met at the door by my CEO telling me to lay off all the employees I just talked to. FML
Today, I accidentally emailed the entire company everyone's salary, sales history, and the names of four people I intended to fire. FML
Today, my boss made me give a presentation to several senior company officials about the serious financial losses our division has made this year. Barely an hour later, my boss had palmed all the blame off onto me and gotten me fired. FML
Today, during work hours, I took time off and discreetly went for an interview for a prospective job at our rival company. As soon as I reached the place, I bumped into my current boss. FML
Today, I fell asleep during my division emergency meeting. As I about to head home that evening, my boss patted me on the back saying, "Wrong move. Good luck". Turned out, it was a meeting to determine who will be kicked out of the company due to recession. My name was written first on the list. FML
Today, my boss threw me out of her office during a conference call for daring to correct her. The client fired the company because she subsequently got all the information on the call wrong, and plainly had no idea what was going on. From all the screaming, this is now all my fault. FML
Today, while trying to get my boss to reconsider laying off much of my department, I accidentally convinced him to lay me off too. FML
Today, I overheard my boss talking about me on the phone. Turns out he was drunk off his ass when he gave the go-ahead to hire me, and he's now searching for any excuse to legally fire me. FML
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Top comments
heyjenn 0
Maybe you need to change some things...like your staff.
hayyj 0
ouch... well if your a founder dont u have ownership and cant b fired?
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Comments (184)
breenntt 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I'm a complete prick and deserve to be voted down. Wee-woo.
Asstastic4 0
Affirmative.
breenntt 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
What? I didn't write that? =s
breenntt 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Screw you bitch -.-
OrginalOwen 0
This is why you all ways carry duel Uzis, they come in handy when a room full of people hates you.
Arachu 5
it's okay.. there are a lot of pricks in the world.. you just gotta strive to be the best. =)
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Prick.
StinkyBallSack 0
you shud defecate on board table
StinkyBallSack 0
who done be tryna moderate my comment. the stench of my sack can not be controlled
Fortuitous 0
Kay, I love your insults. :)
sourgirl101 29
Does "wee-woo" mean it's Sirin?
Sirin_fml 47
No comment. Wee-woo.
DocBastard 40
Brent, read the unofficial FAQ. You're probably about thiiiiis close to being banned, friend.
StinkyBallSack 0
lick my sack....anybody?
Shootamonkey3 0
Sweet! Another person from Washington!
Fortuitous 0
Sirin= Russian Harpy. Whoosh. That's quite insane. *mind blown*
tencentsakiss 19
72, my two biggest problems in the world are not enough explosives or alcoholic beverages. Will you marry me? lol
KikiThePug 0
First of all, why call yourself a prick in the first place? Secondly, NEVER, and I mean NEVER call Kay a bitch. I enjoy their insults and comments. In other words, you're an inconsiderate **** who masturbates to Bob Marley.
C6Racer 0
I don't know how to insult people. : (
sexybitch92 0
fire them all .
Sholloway 0
What's the wee-woo thing?? :O
PieInTheSky24 0
156 I wonder the same thing :o
NeverShoutKira 0
Do you comment on everything? lol
kykyshay 0
some one hacked your account dude
kitkatt978 5
o.o bahahaha that's funny.
mexicanguy39 7
Wee-woo
jcbinglis 7
Dicksplash. I'm going to use that.
hayyj 0
ouch... well if your a founder dont u have ownership and cant b fired?
ricars 5
not if it's a corporation ad he doesn't have majority of voting shares.
warpig182 0
Corperations are stupid like that though thats why if I ever have a sucsessful business I'm not going to change it to a corperation.
starberries 0
I don't think you'll have to worry about that.
vermy_fml 0
touché
blaherman 12
fire them before they fire you!
iSitt 0
he probably gave up his majority shares in exchange for extra funding.
bwhahaha_fml 10
the thing with corporations are if you want to open one you need to be sure to keep 51% of the shares.
marmlr339 14
Lol. I agree with 56
TheEpicFoo 0
that suuuccks
heyjenn 0
Maybe you need to change some things...like your staff.
CloudEnvy 17
I agree. You need better staff than your current mutineers OP.
FFML_314 12
Yes, OP should hire crows. Sounds more legit.
EvilDoll 7
Well then, you're hired.
tigerlover39 9
Yeah totally
NicoleMorganX3 0
ouch sorry :(
heyjenn 0
Don't give out your email stupid little girl.
MonkeyMan03 0
why the he'll would you say your email?! NEVER GIVE OUT PERSONAL INFORMATION TO STRANGERS!!!
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Yall are just paranoid! I gave out my personal info and all that happened was a bunch of spam and 42 rapes(: well worth it!
DocBastard 40
Well aren't you unlucky! I got a message from a widow in Nigeria who needs help moving $15 million out of the country, and she is going to pay me HALF if I help! I just sent her a $4,000 deposit to defray the costs. I'm set for life!
timethyfx 0
Dude, don't forget us when you are rich!
bamagrl410 31
Doc, your comments never fail to make me laugh. And I must say you have *the* cutest little girl ever.
dva976 7
damn! that blows! :0/
pcentral 17
#6: do you need blowing? ;)
Darraghscoot 0
obviously your a shit ceo then?
funzcpl 0
right!
heyjenn 0
He's probably the janitor.
b_anhero 0
bullshit there are no founders or ceo's on this site. you're an errand boy.
BREADEDELF 3
If he said the whole company was there, it's probably a fairly small company. It's not that unrealistic. He's not the ******* CEO of Wal-Mart or IBM.
b_anhero 0
lmao ok, clean version. BS there are no founders nor CEOs on this site. you're an errand boy.
DocBastard 40
OP, if your name is Steve Jobs, call me after they fire you. I need someone to clean my toilets.
Ray_of_midnight 23
Haha, came here to say "OP is Steve Jobs and I claim my five pounds."
rasellersjr 0
I don't think I'd let him near my toilet. He would end up contracting with AT&T and I would only be allowed to use excrete 2 pound of waste a week, then be charged $10 for every pound over with a 5 pound limit. ...the ******
bigredbullster 0
steve jobs is awesome and will never get fired unless he does something REALLY stupid
mooshymuffin 4
yeah, like take something small like an iPhone then make it really big, awkward to carry and have no real business functionalities... if he invented that, I'd want to fire him
bebacklater 0
isnt it ironic that iPad is killing the notebook market? ;)
karan301 2
even then he won't get fired. apple should know better than to make such a stupid mistake twice.
Kim44_fml 13
Steve Jobs got fired from Apple. Then he created Mac. Then they hired him back lol
tencentsakiss 19
8, don't you guys ever learn what gets you moderated? It's incredibly sad.
tencentsakiss 19
Ha, called that.
Walshey93 10
I get moderated and I'm never even being rude :(
tencentsakiss 19
From my personal observation, the things that will get people modded are: 1. Comments calling people disgusting, hateful and ignorant slang 2. Comments or jokes implying that a particular FML is fake, and 3. Comments whining about how your FML wasn't posted when you think it's so much better than one that has been posted.
hditmore 0
shut up no one cares
tencentsakiss 19
Thank you for your perfect example to my point. As you see, being rude really won't get you moderated.