Today, I ate out, even though I was tired. When my main course arrived, I realised I had sent both my forks away with the starter plate. Rather than say anything, I ate dinner with two knives. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was eager to learn how to use chopsticks, as I was in a nice Chinese restaurant and had ordered noodles. As I was visibly struggling to eat, the server brought me a fork. When I reached for it, I flicked a noodle into a lady's soup at the next table. FML
Today, I ordered takeout. When I looked in the bag, I saw they'd included four sets of plastic cutlery. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, then estimated that there must be at least four people eating such a large meal. I was eating alone. FML
Today, I was washing dishes after eating Christmas leftovers. I pulled a knife out of the drying rack and put it away to avoid cutting myself on it, yet I still managed to scrape my thumb on an errant fork in the sink. FML
Today, during my second day on the job, I ate pasta with a pen in the backroom. My old job provided plasticware, and it never occurred to me to pack a fork. FML
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
Today, at work, I got to wait on one of those tables where everyone had very complex orders, and some of them sent their food back. When the time finally came for me to bring them their check and receive my well-earned tip, I returned only to discover that they'd dined and dashed. FML
Today, I went to eat out. When I sat down, I realized I forgot my straw. I took my purse with me, not wanting it to get stolen. Someone stole my food instead. FML
Today, my kids and I went to have dinner with a coworker. After everyone ate, the kids went to play while I helped clear the dishes. To my horror, instead of individually wrapping the kids leftovers, she scraped all the uneaten food back into the main pots. I wanted to puke on the spot. FML
Today, I was on a double date at a restaurant with two friends of mine and a guy I really liked. Things started getting really quiet so I decided to start talking to make things a little bit less awkward even though I was eating. I ended up spitting a piece of chicken across the table. FML
Today, my wife stabbed my hand with a fork, making it bleed. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML
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Top comments
littleflowertje 13
Why??
kirbo2 21
Looks like somebody forked up
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Comments (49)
Dictionaryspeaks 18
Maybe she was just to tired for a confrontation lol
Paws_Cat 29
How is this even an FML?
TheHcwalker 20
You deserve it, there is no world where you don't deserve this
aphil017 6
How does this get featured?!?
SSJ4Asterisk 5
I'm trying to decide whether it's funnier to visualize you eating soup, or spaghetti with those knives. With the soup, I get to imagine you blowing it on the knife because it's too hot. With the spaghetti, I can picture you twirling it around with your 2 knives and carefully trying to put it into your mouth while avoiding the bladed end. I'm sooo tempted to try this myself the next time I go out so I can laugh at everyone's reaction to me doing that.
brenton490 19
Sometimes life is just more enjoyable living it dangerous.
tmj25789 23
How were you not more embarrassed of eating with two knives than just asking for a new fork? I'm surprised your waiter didn't notice when they checked on you after you got your meal that there wasn't a fork on your plate or in your hand.
honeyleee 15
So.. I guess "asking" isn't a thing where you live..
zaidthunder1 27
Maybe Indian it up, depending upon what you were having.
liyate 18
Us shy people know what its like