Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML
Today, my boyfriend accidentally broke my nose the day he was meeting my parents for the first time. FML
Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML
Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML
Today, on vacation, I had my first encounter with a macaw parrot, who promptly bit my ear and shat on me while amused tourists laughed and took pictures. FML
Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML
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Top comments
jakenherman 0
okay, 1. you try to impress your boyfriends parents by.. talking.. to a .. bird? wow... 2. Did the bird rip open the cage, or did you open the door and shove you head in? your life is pretty f***ed
thequeenofscots 0
I just have to say, it makes me laugh really hard that the advert on the side of this page is for some fancy parrot cage.
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Comments (71)
Lizo_fml 0
Polly want a cracker? this is an amazing WIN for the parrot
cnads 0
at least now his parents will always be nice to you
cantwhistle 0
why would you have to prove your not scared of a ******* bird? I hope this is real so you can have a disfigured nose the rest of your life
muboshgu 0
getting nose to nose with an unknown bird isn't too bright
HOLLAcaust 0
The parrot could have been loose. There's a fancy hotel here that has a giant parrot just sitting on a stand in the middle of the lobby, and another in front of an insurance company at the mall. Plus they lunge, you don't have to be that close to them for them to take a bite out of your face. ******* parrots FYL
carazuri 0
...why would you try to impress someone by talking to a bird
Vehicle 1
=[ #59, People would do almost anything to impress someone who is important to them.
uchihasasuke 0
Rape
VacuumNinja 0
Lol.
NekoHakase 0
Avoid dogs, children and large birds.