Today, while I have never been able to say my dog ate my homework, I do get to call several people and tell them my dog ate my wallet. He even chewed up my driver's license. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was pickpocketed. I didn't realize until I stopped to get breakfast. I went back home to see that my dog had taken my wallet and had ripped and torn it up. I was pickpocketed by my own dog. FML
Today, my roommate's pets conspired against me. "The dog ate my homework" has apparently become too clichéd for them. The new excuses are, "My cat chewed through my laptop power cable" and "The gecko ate my pen drive." FML
Today, my dog ate a $2,000 check. My credit card bill gets taken out of my bank account tomorrow. FML
Today, my dog pooped. In my lap. While I was driving. FML
Today, I got home only to discover my dog was missing. After spending ages roaming the freezing streets calling his name, I returned to find him stuck behind the couch with my chewed-up new shoes in his muzzle. FML
Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML
Today, I took my dog to the park. While chatting with another dog owner, my dog managed to steal their sandwich and ran off with it. I had to chase my sandwich-thieving dog through the entire park. FML
Today, my mum decided to teach me a lesson about carelessly leaving my wallet about. She left it on the floor so our puppy could use it and its contents as a chew toy. I was almost impressed to discover that he can eat three £20 notes and still have room for debit cards. FML
Today, I bought a lottery ticket. Two hours ago, I found out that the ticket was worth $100. Five minutes ago, I found my dog eating it. FML
Today, I woke up on the last day of my vacation at the beach to find that my dog had chewed a hole in the wall of my rented house, 2 hours before the owner arrived to check for any damage. FML
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Top comments
DeadxManxWalking 27
bring him him in the car and hold him up whenever an officer asks for your license
emeraldarcher74 30
I laughed so hard I think I just puked up a wallet.
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Comments (20)
cranberries_fml 17
Sounds like a ruff situation
DeadxManxWalking 27
bring him him in the car and hold him up whenever an officer asks for your license
emeraldarcher74 30
I laughed so hard I think I just puked up a wallet.
HoboMeth 36
Now that you know he will eat anything, feed him your homework now!
TonierShadow 19
OP how do I phrase this; it was me who ate your wallet. I just left a note blaming the dog.
freddygasman 18
signed, the cat
Phantomsnake 10
Are you still there? Or did your dog eat you?
logank013 20
Ask him or her if that leather wallet tasted like beef...
Zebediabolical 45
My dog ate my homework once. I even got it on videotape on a twenty pound shoulder mounted VHS recorder. The hardest part, honestly, was getting the Alpo to stick to the pages.
lissa_jade 22
as punishment, make him wait in line at the DMV for the replacement. he'll think twice next time.
DerrickJames 33
And you're telling us from the vet office because the plastic can really harm him, right?
ABlindMan 17
It's probably unlikely that the dog swallowed the driver's license, more likely just chewed it up enough that it's no longer usable. Besides, dogs eat all kinds of stuff while you're not looking. Yes plastic may be harmful, but a driver's license eying nibbled on is hardly enough to panic over.
IorvethTheXolo 8
It would depend on whether he actually ate any or not. Puppies chew stuff up all the time when they're learning appropriate behavior, but I can't say that any of my puppies actually ATE something that could hurt them.