Today, I wore a bikini to the lake with my parents. I didn't know that my back was covered in bruises, and ended up having to awkwardly explain to my parents that I am not in an abusive relationship; the bruises came from the sex I had last night. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to explain to my mom that the bruises I have all over my body are not due to abuse, but because I'm into really rough sex. FML
Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML
Today, I was tanning by the pool. My friend put his arms under my back and knees and picked me up. He threw me across the kiddy pool to my boyfriend, shouting "Catch!" My boyfriend didn't catch me. Instead of a tan, I have a huge bruise. FML
Today, while swimming in a lake, I was feeling frisky so I dropped my swimsuit and went underwater and masturbated. After I came, I resurfaced and saw two girls giggling. With their goggles they'd seen the whole thing. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML
Today, I went to the water park with my boyfriend. A swimsuit was required to go on the rides. My bikini straps somehow got torn off and I had nothing else with me. My boyfriend said, "Hell, just wear my spare shorts. You could pass as a guy with your chest". FML
Today, my boyfriend bought a bikini he wanted me to wear in our hot tub. Unfortunately, I ran out of swimsuits for my daily swim at the public pool, so I took the new bikini. Now I know why he wanted to be alone when I wore it, as water turns it see-through and melts the stitching so it falls off. FML
Today, I thought I'd impress my friends with a backflip into the pool. I ended up smacking my back on the edge of the diving board and belly-flopping into the water. Now I have a bruise and a story that everyone is intent on retelling. I'm just glad no one was filming me. I hope. FML
Today, I went to the beach. While I was swimming, I noticed a few really hot guys passing. Trying to be sexy, I slowly got out of the water, showing off my body. I showed a bit more than I expected when I realized my bikini bottom had fallen off. FML
Today, at the beach, my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. I felt my bikini top come undone in the process. I panicked and pulled down on his shorts. We were fined for indecent exposure. FML
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Top comments
wisericky 12
You should have been like. "You should see the other guy"
roflstomp716 19
guess you were cruisin' for a bruisin'..
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Comments (92)
Wowxoxo 17
"I fell down the stairs.. Twice."
Nyx_fml 23
I hope she doesn't think you got the bruises from some 50 Shades of Grey role-playing. Now that would be embarrassing. I mean, someone thinking you actually read that book... :/
StanBVB 10
I usually am not one to hate on things, but my god, please understand that the BDSM community isn't a fan of that book, not do we encourage jumping into the kinky stuff after just reading that. I cannot even begin to express my hatred for that novel.
sabbyheartswhat 23
Thank you!! Someone who understands. I'm sick of the dungeons all full of want to be BDSM players. Ugh. That book caused so much trouble. There were already enough of fake Doms/Dommes now there's even more who know nothing of a real BDSM relationship!
StanBVB 10
It's awful. I had an experience with a girl in which, after siting and talking through everything for hours, she said she like extreme pain and had a lot of experience as a sub. That extreme pain stopped at a warm up hand spanking and her experience was reading all three books. She actually thought that the author created BDSM for the story.
Nyx_fml 23
Hey, hey, hey. No one said anything about the BDSM community. I was just saying it would have been embarrassing. Who wouldn't be embarrassed about reading that book?
Zebediabolical 45
In my neck of the woods the BDSM community is very much in favor of 50 Shades. Mostly because anything that gets the conversation in the public eye is a good thing, isn't it? Just because they don't know what they're doing doesn't mean it didn't resonate with them. Besides, everyone in the scene was new once, weren't they?
StanBVB 10
MI just find it a bit annoying that people now assume I jumped on the BDSM bandwagon because of Fifty Shades. j
yourwifelovesme 25
Better than bad sex I guess
Neesalun 20
At least you got them having fun;)
CallMeMcFeelii 14
A donkey punch in to the back of the noggin, not the back. Very cruel indeed, I learned if they cough right when you're about to climax in tightens up and is really pleasurable. No need to punch some poor girl in the head, especially since she's nice enough to let you inside of her.
kasmol 16
I spent two years of my adolescence screwing in the back seat of Ford Escort. It was amazing the parts of my body that had bruises.
Corgidan 12
Take an "Escort" into the back of your escort for an overused Inception joke.
CorpsmanUp88 21
Some relationship
MidnaLink 35
Ummm... is your boyfriends name Edward Cullen?!?
shadow2903 11
How the hell do you bruise your entire back from one night of sex? Hopefully you at least liked it
chinchilla417 12
kinky