Today, I wore a bikini to the lake with my parents. I didn't know that my back was covered in bruises, and ended up having to awkwardly explain to my parents that I am not in an abusive relationship; the bruises came from the sex I had last night. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to explain to my mom that the bruises I have all over my body are not due to abuse, but because I'm into really rough sex. FML
Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML
Today, I was tanning by the pool. My friend put his arms under my back and knees and picked me up. He threw me across the kiddy pool to my boyfriend, shouting "Catch!" My boyfriend didn't catch me. Instead of a tan, I have a huge bruise. FML
Today, while swimming in a lake, I was feeling frisky so I dropped my swimsuit and went underwater and masturbated. After I came, I resurfaced and saw two girls giggling. With their goggles they'd seen the whole thing. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML
Today, I went to the water park with my boyfriend. A swimsuit was required to go on the rides. My bikini straps somehow got torn off and I had nothing else with me. My boyfriend said, "Hell, just wear my spare shorts. You could pass as a guy with your chest". FML
Today, my boyfriend bought a bikini he wanted me to wear in our hot tub. Unfortunately, I ran out of swimsuits for my daily swim at the public pool, so I took the new bikini. Now I know why he wanted to be alone when I wore it, as water turns it see-through and melts the stitching so it falls off. FML
Today, I thought I'd impress my friends with a backflip into the pool. I ended up smacking my back on the edge of the diving board and belly-flopping into the water. Now I have a bruise and a story that everyone is intent on retelling. I'm just glad no one was filming me. I hope. FML
Today, I went to the beach. While I was swimming, I noticed a few really hot guys passing. Trying to be sexy, I slowly got out of the water, showing off my body. I showed a bit more than I expected when I realized my bikini bottom had fallen off. FML
Today, at the beach, my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. I felt my bikini top come undone in the process. I panicked and pulled down on his shorts. We were fined for indecent exposure. FML
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Top comments
wisericky 12
You should have been like. "You should see the other guy"
roflstomp716 19
guess you were cruisin' for a bruisin'..
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Comments (92)
olpally 33
Someone likes it rough. ;) haha. At least you aren't in an abusive relationship.
RivetingTaleChap 6
Dating the Incredible Hulk has its ups and downs.
Miss_Attitude96 24
HULK SMASH!!!
UnluckyGenius 21
Head-butting OP's back maybe?
TheModernPatriot 14
Wow, sounds like y'all get crazy as f***!!!
thatnucca 36
At least your boyfriend is not the type to have a panic attack after seeing you in handcuffs...
Raesin 21
I can't even imagine how that would happen. From ''my back was covered in bruises'' I can only assume you're doing it wrong. Otherwise I'm going to assume it was an exaggeration and there were only a couple of bruises on your shoulder blades and just above your bum if you were lying on a hard surface. Maybe you should enlighten us more OP.
wisericky 12
OP clearly had sex while rolling down a cliff, idk how you need more info.
joopjoop 19
once i had sex in a car and i got a huge bruise on my back... maybe they were in a vehicle??
Zebediabolical 45
#21 just wants something to rub one out to.
wannabesinger 16
Are you supposed to have bruises on your back after sex? Have I been doing it wrong?!
SamCat 21
My husband has big hands and I bruise extremely fast. Maybe, that's OP's case as well.
twinkiefeets 17
The answer is YES.
Poetaster 10
If you're doing it right.. Bruses show up in many different areas :)
slappygecko 21
"Moooommmmmmm, it's not abusive! It's just sex! Why don't you understand!"
FrietvanPiet 16
Donkey punch probably
braceinevitable 8
Sounds like it was an awesome time!