Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML
Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for a moment, stunned, still pooping. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, at my godmother's funeral, I got a panic attack causing explosive diarrhea. After the service, I ran to the bathroom and absolutely nuked it. I heard everyone outside calling for me so I quickly flushed the toilet and it struggled. So I flushed again. I left that bathroom with two inches of water on the floor and rising. FML
Today, I had a really big, satisfying shit in the loo of a pub several miles from home. After getting back to my table, my stomach rumbled, and, assuming it was just gas, I let it go. What followed was approximately a litre of brown water, soaking my underwear, jeans, and chair, and dribbling onto the floor. FML
Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mea_iloveskiing 26
Sounds so dramatic
Indianboy9321 25
Lock the door when you...ahem...produce stool.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (111)
MissBehavin77 18
Who would really scream and freak out that much over splashing water? Overly dramatic
cryssycakesx3 23
I thought the same thing. it's like it's the first time she got splashed. definitely way too dramatic.
skyeyez9 25
Enema...which means the poop tainted water splashed directly inside her sore, still dilated butthole.
thatsabiggun 11
Lol this is fantastic but hopefully your husband will see the humor in it. Or just lie about it
DemosthenesMB 13
One might say you had a pretty SHITTY day.
cryssycakesx3 23
no. one might not.
BootheGhost 6
One does not simply post a FML about poop without getting a... certain comment.
TheDoctorFro 21
I wonder how many courics it weighed.
glabberfasted 16
I bet it was Bono himself.
cryssycakesx3 23
1 Kelly Rippa
weveallbeenthere 30
lol, I would have expected a male op to write this.
kingdomgirl94 29
Everybody poops.
hawksx7 1
That is what I thought!
MrsHaxxo 22
What a wonderful reaction to fall of the toilet
mld4657 28
Ermygod.... I can not breathe from laughing at this... talk about sitting a brick...
EdenCrystal 21
That was... descriptive
mchmelev1993 10
That must of been your manliest shit of all time eh?
reaxion 25
Those are known as depth charges, and they cause about the same surface splashback ;-)