Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML
Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for a moment, stunned, still pooping. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, at my godmother's funeral, I got a panic attack causing explosive diarrhea. After the service, I ran to the bathroom and absolutely nuked it. I heard everyone outside calling for me so I quickly flushed the toilet and it struggled. So I flushed again. I left that bathroom with two inches of water on the floor and rising. FML
Today, I had a really big, satisfying shit in the loo of a pub several miles from home. After getting back to my table, my stomach rumbled, and, assuming it was just gas, I let it go. What followed was approximately a litre of brown water, soaking my underwear, jeans, and chair, and dribbling onto the floor. FML
Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML
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Top comments
mea_iloveskiing 26
Sounds so dramatic
Indianboy9321 25
Lock the door when you...ahem...produce stool.
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Comments (111)
e_zava17 10
omg.. I have never read something so funny in my life !
MNEMSGuy 4
OMG! I thought this was a dude until the end... I'm kinda disgusted
amisenho 11
Yes, females have anuses, from which they poop. Yes, it's still funny. Hope that clears up any ambiguity regarding this FML. Next week, we'll answer the age-old question, "Do teachers live at school?"
PassTheHerbs 4
I don't think I've ever laughed this hard in my life.
Gerbie_fml 5
This made my day.
rawlings123 17
Wth? That's gross, keep it to yourself
alex_jaguara 33
Poop jokes will never get old.
DanielleinDC 34
Holy shit! I've pinched off some epic loafs (a high-fiber diet will do that, as will proximity to your period), but I don't think I've ever gotten hit with backsplash from a turd hitting the water. For most toilets, it's not that far a drop. Just how far away was your ass from the water level?
Tannasgh 22
More fiber...less cheese
naridelius 10
This is one of those posts that makes the day better. Not to mention some of the comments were great as .
GirlWhoLovesVB 9
At least your husband cares about you? Hahaha