Today, my mom texted me and asked what I was up to. In response, I joked, "Dancing on the dining room table, waving dad's Calvin Klein's in the air, and shooting bullets into her bedroom floor." Not only did the cops show up, but now I'm grounded for two weeks for being, "deceptively believable." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw a gun on my dad's bedside table. I knew it wasn't real, so I picked it up and posed like a badass. Then I shot a hole in their bedroom TV, blew out my eardrums, and my mom flew in and started screaming at me. FML
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML
Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML
Today, I received a text from my mom saying, "We need to talk." I panicked and replied, "What did I do now?" She responded, "I was going to ask what you wanted for dinner, but now I’m curious about what you're hiding." FML
Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML
Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML
Today, I was house sitting by myself and I texted my mom saying how thankful I was that she was trusting me and not checking up on me. That night I threw a party at the house. My mom showed up to check on me because my text was "suspicious". FML
Today, I told my mom I was going on a date tonight. She laughed and didn't believe me. When I tried to convince her it was real, she got mad and grounded me for lying. I had to cancel the date. FML
Today, my mom baked cupcakes for my visiting grandparents. Later, I saw my grandpa chowing down on them. Even later, my mom demanded to know why there were a dozen cupcake wrappers on my bed. I've essentially been framed by my own grandpa, and am now grounded for a month. FML
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Top comments
your_ma 27
Is your mum a total fucktard?
lovelyvampire 16
not sure who to blame here, well your mom lol. she's ether really gullible or just crazy... I'm sure it was all fixed quickly. now you have a story to tell at future parties! :)
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Comments (58)
countryb_cth 38
Some people just don't understand sarcasm. Although, I will admit sarcasm usually doesn't interpret very well through text. IMO I think your mom overreacted when she calling the cops. She should have just called you to find out if that's what you were really doing.
WeLikeIke 23
Well, sir, it looks like your mom has been diagnosed with NO ******* sense of humor AT ALL.
tantanpanda 26
incorrect diagnosis. complete lack of COMMON SENSE
AGB10 19
They did ONE good thing - raised you! Congrats on being the smarter and more humorous one, you really beat the odds in your family ;)
Sterling_1s 8
Looool. What did she even tell the cops?
RA91 26
LMAO!!!! This is priceless!!
JuzReading 23
I cannot believe your mum would even believe that... She must not think very highly of you if she actually thought you would do that!
Headcrab 29
Your mom is that gullible? LMAO.
thatcoolguy123 14
I'm gonna say YDI for taking jokes that far in front of your mom, but FYL because she is the most GULLIBLE PERSON I HAVE EVER HEARD OF LMFAO
ZY1431 24
no offense you mom is a retard
ohSNAPyall 27
Ewww waving your dad's underwear?