Today, my soon-to-be stepson, 13, decided that he and I needed to spend "more quality time" together. His idea? We should start "bonding" by taking a bath together. When I said no, he told me I was being unfair, and that if I really loved him, I'd do it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I told both my boyfriend and my son that they needed to start spending more time together. They both asked why and what they did that I feel the need to punish them. They’re so similar, even I forget they’re not father and son, and yet for some reason they hate each other. FML
Today, I had to ask my boyfriend to take a shower, because he smelt awful and wanted to cuddle. After 45 minutes, he did so. I wanted to cuddle and fool around after he was done. I got rejected because he didn't want to get dirty. FML
Today, my son was having a hard time mentally, and asked my wife if she loved him as much as she loved her biological children. She straight up told him not to be stupid, because of course she doesn’t love a step-kid as much as she loves her "real kids." FML
Today, my wife and I can’t decide if we should force my stepson to wait when he rudely demands something, in the hope he’ll learn patience and some manners, or just give him what he wants so he’ll go away and stop making us miserable. He’s 13. FML
Today, I actually had to have a discussion with my boyfriend about why he should shower more than once a week. FML
Today, I had to beg and argue with my boyfriend to get him to take a shower and brush his teeth. This has become a recurring argument now we're confined together. FML
Today, I discovered my new step-dad has a rule about the shower. After three minutes, he turns the water off at the source. I had to beg him to turn it back on whilst covered in shampoo suds, and the only way I could get him to give me another minute was to forfeit my phone for the week. FML
Today, I had to tell my 30 year-old boyfriend to take a shower, or else he won't for a week. FML
Today, my son asked if there was a way to make parenting easier. I sarcastically told him he could be a deadbeat who sees his kid every two weeks. He must have thought I was serious because he broke up with his girlfriend and baby, turned up at my door expecting to have his old room, and told my wife it was my idea. FML
Today, I overheard my six year-old step-son playing with his sister and cousin. His sister was the baby, cousin the step-dad, and he got to be “the best one” because he was the "real dad." FML
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Top comments
RaggleFrock 13
What the hell is wrong with him? That's nasty.
DocBastard 40
Just tell him you don't love him and you plan to be his evil stepmother like in "Cinderella". Then tell him to mop the floor, do the laundry, and wash the dishes. Bibbidee bobbidee boo!
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Comments (250)
miamimike_ 3
Remember the bath bubbles
winnerme123 8
There is no better bonding time than bathing nude with you soon to be , creeper, step son.
Keliosan 6
What..?
toenibbler 14
I fail to see how you made that connection.
DocBastard 40
Wait wait, I think I see how ogatasan came to that conclusion. He's assuming that...um, wait, no that's not it. He's saying...uh... Oh **** it. Just moderate and sodomise the idiot already. Not necessarily in that order
ogatasan 5
Look at the icon next to OP's name. It's clearly a dude. I'm allowed to assume what I want when the poster fails to specify their gender. Besides, it's funnier this way. I think it's funny because I'm a complete moron who has never touched a lady's bits. I have issues with my own sexuality.
ManInTheMachine 20
47-Notice the lack of an icon next to OP's name. Unless you're high on shrooms, there is nothing there. The 'icon' you're probably referring to indicates the FML falls under the Kids category.
Myo_fml 20
Serial killers and creeps come from hetero parents too, your point is?
RedPillSucks 33
I didn't know "Anonymous" was a guys name. All this time I thought my "Anonymous" stalker was a woman. Time to change my locks.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
47- Wow. Even if OP was a male, that shouldn't mean same-sex marriage shouldn't be allowed. One bad apple doesn't need to spoil the whole bunch. And remember what they say about assuming. It makes an "ass" out of "u" and, well, not me this time. It's just you.
AnagenisisZagus 13
47- Sounds personal.
LolFMLnot 10
47 for some reason i imagined OP being a guy too, mostly because it's funny that way and more awkward.
meihua 19
If its a girl though, I think that is funnier
folfg0 12
Rub a dub dub in the tub tub tub! But in all honesty, the kid is 13, he's coming into puberty, and his dad is remarrying, so he already has a mom, and he sees this woman as an attractive woman. His penis takes over his mind, and all guys have done this, and thinks "gee, why not ask?" and so he asks. He probably feels like an idiot for asking, but you (op) should still be a parent, since your going to be his step mom, and sit down with him and tell him why it was wrong. If your not at least going to do that, you might as well have jumped in the tub with him. He will be peaking at you in the nude if you don't talk to him.
LMFAOwned 9
Take it as a compliment, OP. This is proof you're probably a MILF.
doctorhook86 25
I don't see any confirmation in this FML that the OP is a woman, but I'm gonna choose to believe she is and she's damn fine.
cartooncharacter 9
Peeking- def. - slipping a look at something. Peaking- def. - reaching the top of something.
thgiL 9
OP being a women never crossed my mind while reading this lol. But ya that definently makes way more sense
ihatethesenamez 6
I read a "comic" like that
MidnightMadness 8
lol I read it and thought of a man this makes a little more sense but still freaky
RaggleFrock 13
What the hell is wrong with him? That's nasty.
kimg0885 23
I read this in a Cleveland voice; that sounds like something he would say. Didn't Jr. have a crush on his stepmom Roberta in one episode?
momolee 4
He and his father have the same taste in women
perdix 31
He's male.
ColdplaySucks 18
24, It says no where in the FML that OP is male.
natromy 5
His stepmom is Donna not Roberta. He does have a crush on both of them at some point in the show though. That's one messed up kid!
DocBastard 40
ColdplaySucks - I think perdix was referring to the son who, if my anatomy courses taught me anything, is male.
perdix 31
#42, I wasn't referring to OP but the 13-year-odl stepson, and I wasn't replying to the original FML, I was answering comment #2. I address the issue of the OP's gender ambiguity in #12. perdix ain't no fool! ;)
BobbieH 19
No one claimed OP was male. It's the 13 year old step SON that's male.
coolbrony12 3
Whats wrong with you? Your picture is a generation 3 pony.
kimg0885 23
#44 thanks, I'm glad you could pop your commenting cherry on correcting my comment. Honest mistake, sorry guys.
daner10 5
42 it says soon to be step son. -.- Edit I didn't read the other comments!
wyatt141 6
Stepson...
foreveryoung2345 5
Actually it does. "Soon-to-be stepson, 13,.... Edit I didn't read the rest of the comments.
waz433 0
What do you mean what's Wrong with him? He's 13! He wants to see him some boobies.
nynylynn 10
In response to an earlier reply, Roberta is Cleveland Junior's step sister.
FarSide 23
He wants to be a step mother ******?
lonkite101 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Just explain to him why you said no, if he's mature, he'll understand!
DocBastard 40
He's a 13-year old boy. By definition he's the exact opposite of mature.
Myo_fml 20
If he's thirteen, he should already understand that what he is requesting is wrong and why.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Lonkite, I was going to ask if you were mature at thirteen. But then I realized that you still are thirteen. Maybe that's why you can't see how immature the vast majority of thirteen year old boys are. Well, I'm only fourteen, so I can't tell you too much.
Smokohauntas 3
Almost everyone is immature, as they grow up they just learn how to hide it better. ;P
just_dandy20 2
At least they're mature enough to make a suggestion, as you sit there and criticize them for being 13. #69 you're not so mature either. Your comment isn't a suggestion it's a ridicule for immature 13yr olds.
Prolux_fml 23
DocBastard- I'm only thirteen but I can partake in reasoning and defend my own thoughts with valid arguments. OP's stepson is obviously just a few fries short of a happy meal.
yabbadabbadooyah 12
120- What Doc is referring to is that most 13 year old boys are immature, and for the most part they definitely are. And, am I the only one that thinks the step son is just trying to get a rise out of OP?
DocBastard 40
Prolux - Congratulations, you're clearly brighter (and much more eloquent) than the average 13-year old. Unfortunately you're still only 13 and you have a long way to go. I don't mean that to sound condescending, but it's the truth. I was mature for my age too, and at the time I may have considered myself mature. Looking back though, I was still just a dumb kid...just a little less dumb than most.
t52280 2
I do too
lizlala 15
SamanthaCassieL 10
Haha nevershoutkendal nice play... I really have to give you your props. And you're right, except EVERYONE is immature at 13. Even girls- just a different type of immature.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
109- By the way you type, you don't sound much older than I am. I stated that I was only fourteen, so I couldn't say much. I didn't say Lonkite was immature. Jeez, you were even too lazy to spell out the word "year".
fiz1kaL 6
Was or still am?
SamanthaCassieL 10
Nevershoutkendal 1. I picked up on what you Said as implying he was, I understand you are 14, but by stating "I was gonna ask you if you were mature when you were 13, but then realize you were." seems like an implication of calling him immature. Sorry you took offense. I don't have to type "year" after 13 in my sentence because of how it is written, not lazy, it's proper grammar- just shortened. 3. If you're 14, I have 8 years on you. I am much older, you do type proper, unlike most 14 year olds who type with short cuts and a lot of abbreviations. I was saying you had a good comeback and a compliment on what you had said, but your immaturity got the best of you and you decided to get defensive and throw insults my way. Last but not least, you were too lazy to put "year" after thirteen or fourteen. So don't talk about lazy typing :)
SamanthaCassieL 10
Also talking about lazy, if you had checked my profile, you wouldn't have to question my age. Guess you were too lazy for that too :)
shots1996 8
There's no such thing as a mature 13 year old male
EnJey0 19
Are you saying that because he's 13 he's automatically immature? Or that because he's 13 he should know better?
Donat96 20
Let the father join in, too. I'm sure he'd be delighted.
Calyx_fml 22
OP might be male.
uJelly24 1
Something tells me that a 13 year old wouldn't wanna take a bath with his father...
jojimugo 20
That's some Jerry springer shit
DocBastard 40
Just tell him you don't love him and you plan to be his evil stepmother like in "Cinderella". Then tell him to mop the floor, do the laundry, and wash the dishes. Bibbidee bobbidee boo!
Screwie 25
Easier to go with "BITCH YOURE NOT GETTING ****", or yeah... Just make him clean.
onlychildFTW 34
That's just plain weird 26.
bossroyd 4
Is OP a man or woman? The answer to this question can make the whole situation even creepier
patrickalamo 48
Oh yes because saying " I don't love you" will make it better. How about counseling and boundaries.
folfg0 12
Someone has no sense of humor....
broim13calm_down 8
should've done it I know I would of asked the same thing.
Myo_fml 20
Why do people insist upon using the word "of" in place of "have" ?
broim13calm_down 8
I don't know proper grammar I'm a pre school dropout sorry.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
The original commenter did use correct grammar in the case of "should've", but then they didn't the next time. How peculiar.
simonsaysYDI 8
49 - because people say "woulda" and "would've" out loud which sounds a lot more like "would of" than "would have". So people type how they're used to saying it, rather than how it's properly spelled. And some probably don't realize there's a difference. Not that hard to figure out buddy.
DocBastard 40
simonsaysYDI - Haven't you ever heard of a rhetorical question?
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
That doesn't mean it's correct.
broim13calm_down 8
I'm 13 bro calm down.
DocBastard 40
Bro, my daughter is 5 and knows that "would of" is wrong. Instead of making stupid excuses, try learning something so you don't repeat the same mistake.
Prolux_fml 23
Man DocBastard... We need more people like you around here...
mexicutioner123 0
Who cares? We're online, not writing an English paper.
kimg0885 23
Make sure you always lock your doors when you may potentially be naked. Your stepson sounds like a creeper.
TheHolyLama 0
check for hidden cameras too.
simonsaysYDI 8
Why does a teenage boy wanting to see a possibly attractive woman naked make him creepy? Really, when did that stop being normal? >__>
JOcoco 14
82 - When said woman technically become his stepmom.
coolbrony12 3
That sssssoundssss about right. Sssstay away from creeperssssssss.
dougiewhale 6
He's been creepin' since the age of 5!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
You can't imagine their surprise when they lifted their heads and saw my little ass creepin' at the foot of the bed.
simonsaysYDI 8
lol 91 I didn't know my stepmom AT ALL when she married my dad, there was no feeling that she was family, or a parental figure. To OPs soon to be stepson It's likely enough that she's practically a stranger. *Almost* being his stepmom doesn't really mean anything. Not saying the kid doesn't need to be told that's inappropriate, but it doesn't mean he's a creeper.
waz433 0
He wants to see boobs, he's 13 and it's not his real mom. He's not a creeper.
Yetifoot 0
13 is a teenager? More like preteen
XtraEzeee 8
156- Read aloud what you just said. You're trying to tell us that a thirTEEN year old is not a teenager. I'm no analyst of the English language, but I think you missed something there.
UnionsSuck 5
Hold a hose over both of yalls head or jump in the pool with clothes on...that could qualify as a bath
mummysangels 0
seems legit (enter sarcasm here)
Saryrr 3
That was a great comment. (enter sarcasm here)
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
If it isn't clear that you're being sarcastic, you're doing it wrong.
DracoSpirita 21
We really need a sarcasm font on here.
Pandacupcakelove 26
That is really messed up... Maybe you should have a talk with his dad?
swankmrpancake 8
How do you know Op isn't male and it's not the mother the son is with?
Pandacupcakelove 26
What is the difference?
Pandacupcakelove 26
Oh sorry I got confused :P Mom/dad***
waz433 0
HE'S 13!!!!