Today, I was out shopping when an old lady bumped into me and dropped her purse. Trying to help, I bent over to pick it up, at which point she battered the shit out of me, called me a "filthy thief" and threatened to open an umbrella in my ass. What the fuck has the world come to? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was walking out of a grocery store. I hit the button on my key to open the trunk, which hit an old lady just under her chin and knocked her to the ground. As she laid there, she pointed a shaky, bony finger at me and yelled that she would sue me for everything I have. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML
Today, I was at Target deciding what chap-stick to get when an old lady violently hit me with her umbrella and kept yelling at me saying, "You are too young for this! Think twice!" FML
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, I was at the mall, when I saw an elderly lady drop her groceries, so I rushed over to help her pick them up. She took one look at me, called me a "Liberal bastard," and shouted for me to get away from her before she called the cops. FML
Today, I witnessed an elderly lady getting mugged. I ran over to the guy mugging her and offered him the money in my wallet in return for him leaving her alone. The old lady snatched my money and ran away with the mugger. What the hell just happened? FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when a little old lady bumped into me and fell over. I helped her up and she thanked me for being "such a nice young man". It was only an hour later as I was in line at the store that I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet. FML
Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went over and helped her up. Instead of thanking me, she called me a pervert and slapped me around with her cane. FML
Today, I bumped into a lady, apologised and tried to continue on. She screamed assault and tried to citizen's arrest me. I've got better things to do, so I ignored her but she latched onto my leg like a toddler. I ended up dragging this insane woman up the street until she finally let go. FML
Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML
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Top comments
maurambie 9
People who believe everyone is evil.
marinus_fml 20
OP did ask him/herself that; along with everyone on fml, in the form of a rhetorical question.
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Comments (185)
Badab1ng 5
In my day we didn't need those sentence enhancers. All we needed was some moonshine and a pees in a can pie to have a good night.
thissucksfmll 0
Sounds like something my grandma would do
JPLovesAnimals 4
Don't you know not to wear black and a ski mask?? You WILL give away bad signs. Unless of course you wanted to.
Mirorbo 27
Life's Lesson: Help no one.
blackrose01 6
Sounds like my grandma. She woulda beat your ass.
hiLife808 0
Old Lady: 1. OP: 0.
jingersnap721 0
Should have kicked her bag further. Crazy old lady
lovelife9 12
Reminds me of the time when I saw a blackberry phone in a public bathroom stall and the lady asked for it back when I got out of the stall and I had it in my bag, and she was also talking in sign language.
skyttlz 32
What?
BelleBelle_fml 11
The ****?
michaelscott69 0
They say chivalry is dead. No, it's just unrecognized.
cobaltjedi 13
Sadly, that's true...
skyttlz 32
Yup :/
jorrrk 0
Sue here what's she's worth for battering the shit out of you cause you know old people has money
ohmandapants 17
They don't have money they just spend the little that they have on their grand kids. And it looks like they have money...but they don't...pension paychecks aren't that great.