Today, after disappearing for an unusually long period of time, my boss called the store phone while sitting on the toilet. Turns out she'd started bleeding uncontrollably from the arse, and as the only other female staff member, she needed me to go help her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
Today, I was working in my store. Right around closing, a lady came in to try some things on. I went to the back and when I came out, she was standing in the middle of the room with fluid coming from between her legs. I asked her if she was going into labor. She wasn't. She was peeing. FML
Today, I was working in my store. Right around closing, a lady came in to try some things on. I went to the back and when I came out, she was standing in the middle of the room with fluid coming from between her legs. I asked her if she was going into labor. She wasn't. She was peeing. FML
Today, at work, I was on the toilet for so long the motion lights turned off. I stood up, pants around my ankles and began waving my arms above the stall to get them to turn on again. At that exact moment, my boss walked in. FML
Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML
Today, I was taking a dump at work at a nursing home. While reaching for the toilet paper, I accidently pushed the emergency button. The nursing supervisors broke into the washroom to help. FML
Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML
Today, while sitting on the toilet, my phone pocket dialed my boss's cell. He was in the next stall. He answered. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML
Today, I was at a new shopping mall. After an hour, I desperately needed to use the bathroom. Spotting one, I ran inside, locked myself in a cubicle and relieved myself. The toilet paper was out so I knocked on the cubicle beside me to ask for some. A lady's voice answered. She needed some too. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
AntoshaChekhonte 6
Um, I hope you went to help. I'm no fan of blood, asses, or bosses, but it's really some human decency. **** your life and all, but **** her life even more. How humiliated do you think she was that she had to call you for help?
CaptainPickles72 18
I would've asked for a raise first.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (165)
that_is_Nathy 9
Well **** HER life, I'd say. Horrible, probably painfull AND embarrassing.
KVKdragon 26
somebody call 911, shawty fire burning on the bathroom floor, woaaoh sorry that happened OP. but at the very least, your boss will trust you the most with important tasks (other than things like this) since you helped her in her time of need
tahvoh 3
hahahahaha fucken Win comment!
nerdsgetmehot 23
Seeing as how that sounds like a medical emergency, I think calling 911 would be a good choice.
ImaginaryFoe 1
*999 :) I agree but it's possible the boss wanted to get up and get dressed or something like that before greeting the ambulance.
MuchDance90s 0
cute new hair!!!
KVKdragon 26
somebody call 911, shawty fire burning on the bathroom floor, woaaoh sorry that happened OP. but at the very least, your boss will trust you the most with important tasks (other than things like this) since you helped her in her time of need
briidontgive_ 0
FHL. And yours ... But this sounds kinda fishy to me ...
camerican21 1
I guess she wasnt kidding while screaming its too tight last night
SinfulTragedy 19
O.o
john7h567hgrd 0
o.O
sara8866 8
What the hell is wrong with her butt that she is "bleeding uncontrollably from it"
DocBastard 40
The most common causes of severe lower GI bleeding are diverticular bleeds and hemorrhoids. Thee are other less common causes like colorectal cancer, but these are usually slower bleeds rather than life-threatening hemorrhaging.
Xylus 0
Doc... Amazing profile pic for this specific FML. +Rep
saddgurl 0
How the hell did the bottel get up there...
GeorgiaBea 28
Fell on it...
scotty2hottie48 0
the word arse pisses me off. say the cuss word right! its an ASS lol
Sirin_fml 47
Not everyone speaks American English...
Sirin_fml 47
Yes, but to be fair, some people speak real English.
Meowchie 5
Haha, in REAL English, it's arse. Just like it's aluminium and not aluminum. You need to be less ignorant of the rest of the world.. Illiterate twats.
jissie 6
absolute pro win for 41 there.
chippa 24
For God's sake, #41. Not everyone's from Britain... You are as ignorant as the stereotypical American. Go take a culture class and loosen up.
chippa 24
For God's sake, #41. Not everyone speaks British English... You are just as ignorant as the American stereotype. Go take a culture class and loosen up.
ktdad07 0
I wouldn't say classifying all Americans as illiterate twats really constitutes a win. 22 is obviously ignorant, but he doesn't represent our country. I speak the version of English I was taught growing while up here, bit I'm still mindful of the differences between the two. Please don't lump us all together.
ktdad07 0
And 'call' should be 'say'. ****, that was a mess.
Bobissmall 13
Hmm... i have no problem with Americans using their version of the English language, so long as they understand pretty much every other English speaking country (And those with English as a second language) uses British English... It's just when people are too ignorant to know both... when i meet an American who understands British English my respect for them soars.
scotty2hottie48 0
Wow O.O people get offended by anything nowadays. And #41, you call me illiterate without even knowing the definition of the word, obviously i am writing, and the fact that i'm replying to your comment is proof I can read so, therefore im am completely literate. I have a right to my opinion. But, if you saw, there is clearly an LOL at the end which means it was not to be taken seriously. So ask yourself, who is the illiterate twat now? Have a nice day :)
laxgirl3 0
"im am completely literate" "im am," Sure you are buddy. And im am a girl.
scotty2hottie48 0
Literacy has nothing to do with grammar #89. You fail
KayleeFrye 39
I'm an American, and I love using British English. It confuses people. Once I asked a co-worker if she wanted crisps or biscuits, and she looked at me like I had two heads. (For my clueless fellow Americans, I was talking about chips and cookies, respectively) :) If you really want a laugh, wait for a rainy day, and remind a friend to wear rubbers!
that_is_Nathy 9
in fact I, in school, learn a mixture of british and american english and I use this mixture (ooooh how horrible of me^^)
undeadqueen528 0
number 41. grow up seriously not every person speaks your freaking language. get over it and stop being a douchebag.
All_I_Need 4
Ass comes from the latin "asinus" meaning "donkey". Arse comes from greek "orros" meaning "tail". The different spelling is totally justified.
Yah_Imma_Gamer 0
Rage much?
madgingermunchki 3
You know that doesn't make sense? If you are talking about 'rubbers' in English, then you are talking about 'erasers' in American English, and therefore are telling people to go outside in the rain wearing the thing you use to rub out a mistake you've written in pencil.....
maccerz 0
This made my day.
KayleeFrye 39
I was referring to the fact that many people call condoms "rubbers."
GothicAngel17 24
haha i agree #41.... at least the aussies and the poms have it right! :P we say "arse" lol
xXCherrryBombXx 6
no.
cryssycakesx3 23
#98 you're really cool...
Zmeilerr 22
Don't quit your day job.
Zmeilerr 22
Don't quit your day job.