Today, a drunk crashed a truck into my porch. Shaken up, I was glad to see that so many of my neighbors had gathered around to comfort me. When the dust settled, I noticed my remaining porch furniture was missing. They weren't consoling me, they were casing the place. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, a drunk driver crashed in through my living room wall. Not only that, but he managed to completely miss the first two houses on the block, which should have been a barrier before mine. FML
Today, I got home from a week-long vacation with my friend's family. When I got back home, I found the garage door had been completely demolished. My uncontrollably drunk dad blamed me. I don't even drive. FML
Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML
Today, not only did someone steal my bike, they also managed to get wasted and drunkenly ride my stolen bike through my new screened-in front porch, destroying it and the bike. FML
Today, I was staying at a seedy apartment. A group of drunken idiots next door decided it would be fun to run into the wall simultaneously. They broke through the rotted wall and ran me over. FML
Today, I woke up to find the entire driver's side of my car wrecked. Front door, back door, front and rear bumper smashed to shit. A drunk driver had hit it the previous night and ran. Don't worry though, he stopped and left his insurance information. He keyed it into the undamaged side of my car. FML
Today, I was driving to my new home with a lot of my belongings in the car. I could hear things shifting in the back. When I parked, I opened the door, ready to catch my vodka. I caught it - and watched my laptop slide out of the car, onto the concrete, and break into 3 pieces. FML
Today, I hit a parked car and fled because I was so scared. Four hours later, the cops showed up at my house so I broke down crying confessing everything. Turns out, they weren't there about the car I hit. They were alerting me about the string of burglaries in my neighborhood recently. FML
Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML
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Top comments
allmidnighteyes 11
How long was the cloud of dust around your porch that you didn't notice them taking stuff?
WHOWASTHEPHONE 10
Those bastards, take their lawn ornaments.
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Comments (70)
maddiester 5
how could you not notice it was being taken from your porch?
strainer04 8
33. great way to put it. when something strange happens fast like this the last thing you would be watching out for is dumb asses stealing stuff.
narcosoldier 2
mommmmmmmaaaaaa go get shot gun
sommerfly9 0
people suck... that's so ridiculous :/
TROLLFACEdotJPG 5
He must have been rushing his way to a date with someone he met online.
TROLLFACEdotJPG 5
If you do not understand please look at the post before this.
maddiester 5
39, I'd imagine the incident happened on the porch? where else would she be? I'm not exactly an idiot for wondering how she couldn't have noticed. you need to calm the **** down.
RainbowStalin 0
Love thy neighbor
MsRandomKatie 0
or hate in this case.... just saying... I'd be pissed.
thetrollyoulike 6
Don't get mad; get even. -JFK
IntoTheClouds 42
I don't believe this.
sourgirl101 29
*your *live
sourgirl101 29
Lucky you weren't sitting on that porch at that time. Sorry about you neighbors being thieves. I uses to living in a bad neighborhood too. If I didn't plant my plants right away, they would steal them in their pots!
sourgirl101 29
*your *live
compasseagle89 8
you have terrible neighbors. why they would pick that time to steal your furniture is beyond me. way to add insult to injury! but anyway, they weren't really "casing the joint." casing is only for observational purposes, and they were actually doing it. for example, one would "case" a gas station and look for cameras, exits, number of employees, how many customers are around, etc.