Today, a drunk crashed a truck into my porch. Shaken up, I was glad to see that so many of my neighbors had gathered around to comfort me. When the dust settled, I noticed my remaining porch furniture was missing. They weren't consoling me, they were casing the place. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, a drunk driver crashed in through my living room wall. Not only that, but he managed to completely miss the first two houses on the block, which should have been a barrier before mine. FML
Today, I got home from a week-long vacation with my friend's family. When I got back home, I found the garage door had been completely demolished. My uncontrollably drunk dad blamed me. I don't even drive. FML
Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML
Today, not only did someone steal my bike, they also managed to get wasted and drunkenly ride my stolen bike through my new screened-in front porch, destroying it and the bike. FML
Today, I was staying at a seedy apartment. A group of drunken idiots next door decided it would be fun to run into the wall simultaneously. They broke through the rotted wall and ran me over. FML
Today, I woke up to find the entire driver's side of my car wrecked. Front door, back door, front and rear bumper smashed to shit. A drunk driver had hit it the previous night and ran. Don't worry though, he stopped and left his insurance information. He keyed it into the undamaged side of my car. FML
Today, I was driving to my new home with a lot of my belongings in the car. I could hear things shifting in the back. When I parked, I opened the door, ready to catch my vodka. I caught it - and watched my laptop slide out of the car, onto the concrete, and break into 3 pieces. FML
Today, I hit a parked car and fled because I was so scared. Four hours later, the cops showed up at my house so I broke down crying confessing everything. Turns out, they weren't there about the car I hit. They were alerting me about the string of burglaries in my neighborhood recently. FML
Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML
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Top comments
allmidnighteyes 11
How long was the cloud of dust around your porch that you didn't notice them taking stuff?
WHOWASTHEPHONE 10
Those bastards, take their lawn ornaments.
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Comments (70)
Happiness2Joy 3
Wouldn't the dust have settled in a very short time period? It doesn't take five minutes to settle or anything so how could you not notice them?
Happiness2Joy 3
I guess they could of thrown it over the fence into their yard..
hzlzkgzkgzchxuxh 3
that's you should always have a high caliber gun on you u at all times - Larry the Cable Guy-
MrSexyPants 14
How the hell do you remember your username?
hzlzkgzkgzchxuxh 3
well all I do is right it down on a piece of paper
BIEBERSLAYER 10
that's what happens when you live I the hood
roobear 2
Are people really asking how long the dust takes to settle? Really guys, REALLY? To the OP: why did your neighbors come and take your stuff after the truck hit the porch? Couldn't they have just come at 3 in the morning and taken it if they really want it? I feel like there has to be something more here. Why would they choose that moment to steal furniture?
X_Codes 11
Better question, why would the OP's neighbors steal his furniture AT ALL... I mean, that's just an ass thing to do. Do they not think he'll know they took it?
moto51 0
really??? REALLY?????!! hahaha
hapetreefriend 1
I think he/she wrote it just to get a laugh
explodingmuffint 0
Geezus. They used the crash to come see what the dude had. "when the dust settled" means when everything was over and taken care of the neighbors robbed the apparently worth stealing furniture.
xleanne_aLly 23
Wow, where do you live? OP go after them and take your stuff back.
txgirl2013 14
Horrible Neighbors! Go **** their shit up!
NikkiFlysKites 8
Whatever that is in your profile picture is too adorable.
Cressalys 0
Fennec Fox
synonymous 1
Because "******* their shit up" wouldn't lead them to believe that it was the OP committing said shit *******. Retaliation should stay in the 3rd grade where it belongs.
N3v43h 0
******* laym! at least you know where abouts they live! peek over fences, and if you see your stuff and you're 100% sure it's yours, light their house one fire. have a friend of a friend drunkenly throw a Molotov cocktail. plausible deniability. it'll fly, given your hood's... way of being
bb0687 0
Number one, what you just said was completely "laym". And number two, FYL for the idiot way you spelled "lame". D'e'ick 'ph'ace. Don't screw good words over, okay, retard?
IanPYD 6
I would be pretty pissed! sorry to hear about that OP.
broomhildo 19
Terrific neighbors you have there...
Mirorbo 27
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I refuse to trust even my own neighbors. It seems you just can't trust anyone anymore...