Today, I moved into my new place. It evidently used to belong to a hooker, because although I've only lived here for 9 hours, so far several different men have knocked on my door and asked if "Stephanie" is available for a good time. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I moved into a new apartment. While moving boxes, I ran into my supervisor from work. Guess who lives across the hall. FML
Today, I invited my best friend to sleep on my couch while he looks for a new place. He walked inside, dropped his stuff on the floor and asked me my policy on hookers. I laughed it off as a joke. Half an hour later my doorbell rang. He took my laughter as a yes. FML
Today, I got home and noticed people were looking at my next-door neighbor's house that's for rent. Peering closer, I realized my ex-boyfriend and the girl he cheated on me with a few months ago were inside. After they left, the "For Rent" sign came down. I've got new neighbors. FML
Today, I moved into my new house. The previous occupants failed to tell me that they'd recently kicked out their crazy crackhead son, who seems to think they've paid me to pretend that they've moved out and that I'm the new owner. He wants back in. FML
Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML
Today, I was awakened in the middle of the night by a frantic banging on my front door. It was a guy whom I'd only been dating a few weeks, with a suitcase. He stated that his wife kicked him out for having an affair, and thought now would be a good time to move in together. FML
Today, I moved into my aunt's house. She had a little too much fun in the sixties and now tells everyone about her many imagined conquests, including her church minister and several has-been celebrities. As a plus, I discovered she has a habit of wandering around the house in the nude. FML
Today, I discovered that my downstairs neighbor is running a business out of her apartment. Or I should say, her pimp is. FML
Today, I came home from a long day from work, only to find a strange woman in my apartment. She explained that my roommate told her it was OK to spend a few days here. I guess he forgot that the room was mine. FML
Today, my husband got fired from his job as a maintenance man at our apartment complex for accidentally letting a hooker into someone's house. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
I really really want to know your gender now.
Cbizzlez 10
I believe a no soliciting sign is in order
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Comments (96)
kasmol 16
Tell them she will be back in 6 weeks after her treatment for a new, drug resistant variant of syphilis is complete.
worldclassrager 41
Your sex matters for this one...and would trigger a response...but i think you'll be left alone soon one comes finds out that she no longer lives there and then probably will not come back...or just get a peephole...
PenguinBitch 44
Is Steph here? OP: "if you want [Stephanie], she's at a party up on Starfish. I'm heading over there myself; you can give me a lift. I'm Mona, by the way. If there's anything I can do for you, or to you, just let me know." Your FML reminded me of this.
frizz101 22
But a note on the door that says "the person named Stephanie, who previously living in this residence no longer lives here. Please look for someone else 'to have a good time.' Have a good day."
revidffum69 22
I just have to say.... as a hooker, Stephanie sucked.
Zaros_fml 24
Probably did more than that...
BlueRainDude 11
Open the door wearing a wig and a trench coat and say "Stephanie's dead" I don't think they'll come back
cookie1207 19
You should clarify your gender! If you are a girl you should consider the new job opportunity. If you are a guy.... Grt a hold of a stephanie or ...
threer 30
You're disgusting. No woman or man should resort to that and either way, you're extremely sexist.. Get a life and realize that every gender should be treated the same.
Epikouros 32
Shouldn't you have to make a goodwill payment for taking over someone's clients like that?
Obey_StudBoii 23
Just tell them Stephanie died of aids. That'll scare them shitless.
jarockstar27 10
Just put a note on the door saying "Stephanie the hooker has left the building, I don't know where she is and I don't care! So just leave me be!"