Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding. When he saw I had something in my pocket, he began to ask if it was a weapon. After arguing for a few minutes I was put in handcuffs. I was too embarrassed to pull the tampon out my pocket. FML
Today, my FWB and I were on a road trip. His dumbass got us pulled over by the cops, and he decided it was the perfect moment to start fingering me. Worse yet, I got off in between visits from the cop. He took his license and ticket with his fingering hand. FML
Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML
Today, my girlfriend text me and told me to do something sexy because she was going to FaceTime me. I eagerly dropped my pants and started stroking it to get ready for her. As soon as I opened her call, she was standing with my wife. I literally got caught with my dick in my hand. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got busted by a cop for having sex in his car. When the cop sent us on our way, we went home and the garage was open, so we called the cops thinking someone was in the home. No one was in the house, and we got the same cop. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to get hot and heavy in my truck at our favorite park. We started going at it and we were both butt naked when I saw a car pull into the lot. Not only was it a cop car, but the first thing the cop asked my girlfriend was, "Are you being held against your will?" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got busted by the cops having sex in a dark parking lot near the beach. As if that wasn't bad enough, as I was trying to talk my way out of a ticket, one of the cops peeks into the car window and I hear my girlfriend awkwardly giggle and say, "Hi daddy." FML
Today, a police officer caught my girlfriend and me having sex. The officer was my dad, and we were butt naked in his new Ford Expedition. FML
Today, I was about to make love to my girlfriend at the local park when a cop caught us. I had to give him our information and hold a conversation with "Fire and Ice" lubricant on my penis. FML
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Top comments
ollie179 21
What's this? A gun? A knife? You people make me sick. It must be a gun, it has a sort of rounded tip. Wait...hang on. My mistake...
RockstarRN 10
Just be honest. If it was a guy cop he would probably understand why you were rushing. Hope it was worth the ticket!
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Comments (145)
StoryOfTheYear 15
"Oh. And what is this." "That's. my penis" "That's your penis, sorry." *continues awkward search* ("Search Fail" on YouTube)
EarAcheMyEYE10 2
Ot could have been worse.... "strip search"!!
mistersheezy 7
Isn't driving and texting illegal? Just asking.
SteveTheJanitor 6
HEY IT'S MY BESTIE And yes, it is
CrazyGirl445 4
depends on the state. it Texting only if you had your license less then a year or your in a school zone
DeathBunny218 37
and i'm guessing he was speeding as well texting
michabike 0
He probably went in the car after the text
perdix 31
The cop thought he was just arresting an ordinary traffic violator, but ended up pulling over a hard-oned criminal.
nebula748 14
Dohoho that slaps me on the knee.
perdix 31
Wouldn't it be worse if the cop patted down his crotch and DIDN'T find the OP's "stiffy?" We had that FML a few days ago.
a_nutritionist 10
but after all the advice shes gained new skills.
fatalwish 6
Awkward
NPN_Scorpio 16
That's what you get for rushing to a date with a loaded gun.
Stalkers 0
Some people keep a loaded gun in their waist and ended up shooting themselves. Served them right for trying armed robbery.
puppy23 3
The real fail here is texting and driving!
robchfra 5
How does a traffic stop lead to a frisking? Unless you gave him serious concern he had no right to search you. Know your rights.
RedPillSucks 33
I was thinking the same thing. He was probably profiled.
InOthrWords 12
Sexting and driving. Smh.
RedPillSucks 33
I can see the ticket DWS Driving While Sexting DUIB Driving Under the Influence of a Boner *Honest, officer. I was trying to shift into third and grabbed the wrong stick*