Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
Today, 4 miles into a mountain hike with my crush, I suddenly felt a stomach pain, followed by the urge for explosive diarrhea. I had to stand still with my butt clenched to prevent shitting myself. There were no nearby bathrooms, and I didn't have any toilet paper. It was messy. She'll never see me the same. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I both developed food poisoning from last night's sushi. Our apartment has one bathroom. FML
Today, I was outside when I was suddenly overcome by an intense need to shit. The back door was locked, so I tried to run to the front, but couldn't make it. As I squatted in the bushes, my girlfriend came home unexpectedly. She screamed and called me a sick, disgusting freak. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML
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Top comments
007type 26
Shit just got real.
rlr386 8
Even though that sucks for you both, props to you for being a gentleman and letting her go first.
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Comments (184)
motor_fml 20
I think whoever does the laundry has a ****** life too.
HighlandShadows 48
You, sir, are a true gentleman. Also, I wouldn't advise a return visit to that restaurant.
kamareaux 24
Way to take one for the team. I'm sure she loves you all the more for it.
hobosapien081 10
Well, at least you were a gentleman at doing it..
pl18 10
I could not help but picture the Family Guy episode where Peter elbows Lois in the face to get to the restroom first.
TheEmoSuperman 16
happy new year
Kaerunoutof 3
Call of Dirty
PokemonLove993 17
now that's true love right there in a very gross way
chrissy2 28
Never eat at Indian restaurants...
forestfrost 4
Who else thought of the scene from I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell??